“The hardest thing in life to learn
is which bridge to cross
and which to burn.”
David Russell
Of course we know green means go and red means stop! So why do we so often do the opposite in our lives? We ignore the “signs” and stubbornly persist in forging ahead though the light is red and waving crimson flags abound. There is a better way. Signs are there for a reason and we need to pay attention.
Lately I’m cutting down on the number of careers I’m operating. Too much is just too much. How do I know what to drop and what to keep? Simple. I’m paying attention to the signs. For instance, in the past few months I’ve invested a lot of time and energy into building up a part-time healing practice. I’m good at Reiki but although I’ve made many efforts to build my practice it’s not “happening” in such an obvious and bizarre way that I know it’s just not the right time for me to do this. It’s time to let it go.
That’s how I decide what to do. I look for the green lights and open doors; I pay attention to how I feel. I believe if I do that that I’ll be in the best place for me to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t abandon anything that seems wants to hold onto me and I don’t advocate quitting prematurely. But for so much of my life I felt like I was floundering in the water, sometimes hanging onto a floatation device, sometimes sinking. Now that I’m working on my passion it’s as if I’ve caught a current and I’m zipping along without the need for a flotation device. What a great feeling this is! Working on what’s working is a lot more fun than trying to make something work that just doesn’t want to work.
Have you ever made a decision to let go of something that wasn’t working in your life? Do you pay attention to signs? What kind of signs speak to you?
photo credit: Horia Varlan
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I think it's great that you are wanting to start your own reiki practice. I have heard a little but about the practice but would love to learn more. We tried it on my Dad when he was in the hospital but he wasn't really having it. He said he got really bad nightmares, but after talking to some people that's very normal. Anyways.... keep it up. I am sure you will create a great business and help lots of people. I am really bad at letting things go in my life. I am known for overflowing my plate. I did get a job promotion a year ago that allowed me to let go of my second job. Could I still have used the extra money? Yes. of course but it wasn't worth the stress it was causing my body. Thanks for sharing.... perfect timing for me.
@Meg | One Love Meg Hey Meg! Reiki is wonderful and anyone can learn - just find a Reiki Master Teacher and get started. It sounds like your Dad experienced some clearing when he had the treatment. Reiki works on all levels.
I will still do Reiki, but for now, like you, I have too many things falling off my plate onto the floor! I thought it best to be proactive and clear some things off it. Simplifying is a good idea, don't you think! Was just having a conversation about that on the Happiness post with @howdis. Why do we complicate life so much!?!? I don't know! Maybe because we don't take the time to stop and think about what we're doing? But you did - you left that second job because it felt right to do it. Good for you! That can't have been an easy thing to do!
@Lori @Meg | One Love Meg @howdis. Lori, I absolutely loved your post, but I think the comment "I have too many things falling off my plate onto the floor! I thought it best to be proactive and clear some things off it." absolutely hits the nail on the head. Sure, all the little morsels on there might be delicious, but if you eat them all you're not going to feel very well afterwards (cough cough Thanksgiving dinner).
Lori, where has the time gone? It's been far too long since I popped over here! Busy times. Those busy times are often filled with 'signs', aren't they? Tuning into what feels right and what makes us feel 'icky' is so important. I do that with clients. I have some that, well, make me feel something for sure! :) Positive or negative, those are important signs. I'm impressed that you listened to your inner voice on not pursuing your reiki practice, even though I'll bet your head was saying yes, we should do this! By the way, come visit me anytime and 'practice' - free food, lodging, and lots of wine and laughter!
Seriously, that's a really hard thing to do and I applaud your courage and honesty in doing it. I've done that once before in a personal relationship, risking complete embarrassment, public failure, loss of friends, and the unknown...divorce. It's a yucky beast, but sometimes, you have to listen to that voice that says this is not right and it never will be. Luckily, it was indeed the best decision of my life. Having ignored it, I would not have met the love of my life or have my beautiful children. So, I guess I owe my inner voice a big thank you! Thanks, Lori. I needed this post today! xoxo
@EricaAllison Hey Erica, Switch out the wine and insert port and I'll be right over! LOL (where do you live!?) And don't tell @StaceyMJCouturier I'll work for port or I won't make ANY money at all in my private practice. Then again, maybe I WOULD work for port :o
Seriously, though, I'm still treating friends and family and remote Reiki is just as effective as present Reiki -sans the port :-(
It sounds like your guidance speaks to you clearly. As @TashaGosselin said, sometimes a multitude of signs converge into a feeling we can't ignore. Good for you getting out of a bad marriage - that has to be one of the hardest things to do. @martinsaysjump said it's so hard to pull the plug on things in which you've made great investments. And facing the public response to that couldn't have been easy. But we have to know who we are and be true to that.
How old do you have to be before others's opinions no longer matter!? Maybe they are the most resistant factor when it comes to following what we know is right. Thanks for dissecting this topic further Erica! Sending a hug (don' t tell @bdorman264 or @Al Smith !)
Hey Lori!I can imagine how hard it is managing your comments! Youve got a whole different blog on its own there! But i'm sure its all fun and you take pleasure in the conversations. I sure do, enjoy reading! Most often I can bet I had left a comment, as I could tell pretty much whats been happening, only to realise I hadnt left one and was only recalling all what I read in the comments section. (like now)Its kind of like good timing! Knowing when to pull the plug or not! But I think it takes a lot to pull the plug, just imagining all your efforts gone, but on the brighter side you think of energy,money and time saved by giving in earlier. But it sure isnt an easy thing to do.I dont have much of a "signal" I use, as most of my actions are originating from gut feelings, and so far so good. And when its been bad, ive ended up with story to tell and lessons learned.Martinsays: Thanks
@martinsaysjump Hey Martin! Managing my comments is the most fun part of my day! How do YOU manage to visit (and Tweet - that's how I know what you're up to) so many blog articles!?!? I'm finding many nice articles/bloggers thanks to following you!
Have you ever pulled the plug on something you'd already invested time and energy into? You mention that when you do, you "think of energy,money and time saved by giving in earlier." Sound as if you speak from experience? Following your gut is hard to do when your head is arguing with you. Yes we learn, but AUGH - the cost of the lesson...
Funny how "pulling the plug" feels like giving up when we're really only following good intuition/signs that say it's TIME to do something better. What's up with that?
Brian Tracy shares a great piece of advice on this topic."Would you, with what you know now, start on this path if you had the chance to start again?"
If the answer is no, then maybe it is time to rethink that path.
@DanielMWood WOW - that is an interesting one - I mean - IF you knew then what you know now - and you didn't follow a similiar path - who is to say that things would work out the same? it's quite a question, and definitely something to ponder...
@StaceyMJCouturier It really is. I have really felt that it has many levels and is almost impossible to answer, but often you will hear people say to themselves, if I could start over I wouldn't be doing this. If you ever find yourself saying that, you know you should quit now.
@DanielMWood That's a tricky one Daniel! What if you're in the middle of something, think: growing season, and you don't know yet what will blossom and bear fruit. It may be a long road but it may also be well worth the journey. What if you quit too soon!? (in the case of this metaphor, I suppose you could just go and harvest the food!)
I could re-evaluate some of my business choices and say "No- huh-uh!" but those choices led me to the place I am now. Could I have found an easier path to here? Maybe. I didn't think about these things back then. I don't know. I think some days we would all say, "do over" as @StaceyMJCouturier said. Imagine if we could really re-set our whole lives - just re-set the defaults and start over again. Would we make different choices? Would you?
@Lori @DanielMWood
As much as I'd like to say I'd make different choices -- WHAT might the 'new' me or my 'new' life look like.
Would I still have my wonderful daughters? Would i have met my awesome husband? ..
maybe what happens *good & bad* in our lives is what forms who we are now!
I have been thinking about this one all day! I think that I let go of things for different reasons, but mostly when I have a strong feeling that it is time to walk away. I don't know if I can think of any times that I have had signals to tell me to let go, but maybe my intuition is made up of a lot of little signs that build up into the strong feeling without me necessarily noticing the signs...?
@TashaGosselin Interesting concept Natasha - that the signs may be picked up unconsciously and actually be what makes up our intuition. Maybe we miss the actual signs but if we still get to the strong feeling which guides us, it doesn't matter. Thanks again for such a succinct, articulate and thoughtful response!
Interesting, isn't it, that people chose to focus on the red lights rather than the green. Except @bcromlish (who is always the exception LOL) and @Mark_Harai who followed a green light to Costa Rica. I wonder if it is because the "danger" signs are more apt to capture the attention of our survival-obsessed brains which are always on the look out for what can harm us. Do you think that's why we are more apt to notice a red light than a green?
@Lori A very interesting point you bring up about our survival obsessed brains! It makes me think of a study in which they found that in a sea of smiling faces, one frowning face is very quickly spotted, but in a sea of frowning faces, the one smiling face takes longer to find. The researchers explained it as an adaptive response that would allow people to respond more quickly to potential signs of danger. I think that it is very likely that this also applies to our red and green lights!
@Lori @TashaGosselin @bcromlish I think our responses to the red light/ green light could be influenced by fear of the unknown. Why change anything, it's comfortable.
There are some who like things the way they are and some who thrive in new things, new experiences and new adventures.
It's a personal preference and red and green are different things for different people... Just a thought anyhow : )
@TashaGosselin
I am definitely drawn to new things and adventure. I'm not one much for relaxing and being comfortable. I excel in the unknown and participating in creating the future.
It's a scary place to be. There is no time to be comfortable here. Like any normal human being, my mind can get the best of me if I let it. You need to be on your toes and aware, otherwise fear will eat your lunch.
The two mindsets I'm in most often is first the future where I want be and where I'm going and the second is right now putting in the work and effort that can get me where I want to go.
Like everyone else, I must deal with fear when it pops it's ugly head up. I just ask my wife to slap me good and that knocks the fear right out of me.
I get slapped on a regular basis : )
@Mark_Harai You bring up an interesting aspect of fear vs excitement about changes. Two people with different perspectives might react in opposite ways to the exact same "sign" based on their orientation of fear of change or excitement about something new.
In your original comment below you talked about stepping back to get perspective, because sometimes we are so stuck inside our own experience we can't even see a sign. Once you step back and get that valuable perspective, if you see a sign that a change might be needed, do you find that you are more oriented to seek change, or stay comfortable?
@Lori @TashaGosselin @Mark_Harai I go against the grain Lori! I have also been thinking that maybe people are sometimes the signs that help us push in the right direction. For example, I know my friend Troy really pushed me down the path I chose to take and helped make me the motivated person I am today.
You learn from their experiences and it often takes the thought out of the process?
@bcromlish I definitely agree that people in our lives can help direct us toward the right path. Sometimes they can see our strengths more than we can see our own. I can think of someone who had a significant positive impact on my academic direction by seeing something more in me than I saw and encouraging me to go after it. I was lucky to have him in my life at that point, and I know I wouldn't be where I am now if it weren't for his motivation and support.
@bcromlish @TashaGosselin People are the signs - interesting! People can certainly nudge us as in @Mark_Harai 's case, or guide us, as in YOUR case, for me! Maybe those are the signs we could see best! Unless we're too stubborn ;o People as signs, or let's say "holding up signs"! I like that!
Ok, so you see I pimped your site over at Brankica's house, huh? Whereas I love her site and several others as you see me at their house all the time, I know when I jump in here it will always be conversational and with spirited dialogue. Your stuff can go on for days............
Signs? Unfortunately I don't usually see them until after the fact; I'm apt to hold on way too long because it is hard for me to change. After the fact I certainly see the signs but when I'm knee deep in it, not so well.
Good post and I see some lively responses; of course I had to leave my two cents in some cases. Especially that Mark Harai dude, you just never know what you are going to get with him............
Good to see you, thanks for saving some chips.
@bdorman264 Sorry Bill - I watched the chips but forgot to man the dip! Yep, I saw what you said over at Brankica's house! Hey Everyone - When asked "Which blog you wish was yours?" guess which one Bill mentioned...!
So you're a retrospective-sign-gazer. :o Strange and frustrating how things are so much clearer through the rear-view mirror than the windshield!!! Do you think we can "move them up" so to speak! Get to a point where we see them out the side window (as we pass!) and eventually recognize the signs out the front window? With practice? I'm betting on that.
@Lori I think you can but it might depend on how destructive or how obvious the sign is. Some of the little stuff you might not recognize until after the fact and you think "why didn't I see that"?
@bdorman264
I ate all the dip though hehe
good to have ya here :D
I totally agree with @Marcus_Sheridan here. There's something to be said for trusting your gut feeling/inner voice/intuition. Very powerful stuff. I also like to take a step back, remove myself completely and look at things objectively before reaching a decision. I also think moments like these are when it helps most to have very honest friends.
@joebertino @Marcus_Sheridan
wow - HOW do you do that "take a step back, remove yourself completley..."
that is a great thing to do (which I work at constantly) but I've not mastered it (not even close!)
@StaceyMJCouturier @Marcus_Sheridan Super difficult, I agree. I haven't mastered this either, but I think creating separation, even for the briefest of moments, can help reframe a problem or shed light on a new opportunity.
What impresses me about what you said in this article is that you seem to have a keen ability to listen to your inner voice Lori. These days, because of all the 'noise' life produces, I think it's really, really tough for some to ever hear that voice. Plus, it's a skill that has to be developed over time. I honestly feel it's not something you just 'get' overnight. As for me, I'm still learning, and have a long way to go, but clearly I'm happier when I take a moment to stop, listen, and then follow the prompting--- with a smile.
Marcus
@Marcus_Sheridan
You're a gem Marcus - thanks for saying that to Lori - you are so right.I feel her sincerity through her posts...we are very lucky to have her guide our discussions...
I have learned so much from her... it's incredible!
@StaceyMJCouturier You're sweet Stacey! (or you're buttering me up so I keep giving you Reiki Treatments ;-) LOL
I've learned a lot from @Marcus_Sheridan here in the Blogosphere. Where would I be without either of you two?
@Marcus_Sheridan And sometimes you get so deep it's hard to raise your head up and realize you need to go in another direction. Your inner voice is usually right however.
@Marcus_Sheridan I'm learning to listen to my inner voice. Sometimes the signs are loud and flashing, however, before I pay attention! I believe you do get better at it. Maybe more signs appear when you're looking, maybe the inner voice speaks instead of whispering. Maybe it's a "use it or lose it" sort of thing! I don't know. ;-)
Signs make me crazy. There are those that I want to believe and those that are just coincidence. The hardest part is determining which is which.
@TheJackB Hard to determine and sometimes they are practically knocking you over the head.
@TheJackB Yes, that is the hard part, knowing if the sign is actually a sign at all! If something happens repeatedly, or if the struggle feels like you're moving through molasses, then I take that as a sign. But there is no danger of responding too quickly to a sign. Usually it's the reverse that's the problem - waiting too long to make a change.
So you have no STORY to contribute Jack (I'm still chuckling over the one you posted today!) You never mis-took a sign, or perhaps followed what proved to be a good sign? Have you ever ignored one to your detriment?
@Lori Lori, I always have stories to contribute. I am a writer so stories are never hard to come by. And after my brief stay on this planet I have gained enough life experiences to say that I have seen things.
But the question of what is coincidence or what is a message from the universe, well I have grown skeptical about that.
Or maybe it is because my heart and head have been at war for so long I have lost sight of the connection....
@TheJackB Ah well, you're still a boy at heart, (so I hear ;-) so there's still time Jack.
Love this Lori. i agree with most of the great comments. we have discussed something similar before. Go with your gut and the obvious signs and when it comes to hanging on to negative things or people, this wonderful quote comes to mind: Let Go, or Get Dragged ! Hug coming soon, I know. Ha !
Al
@Al Smith "Let go or Get Dragged"!?! I hope you're not talking about hugs! LOL
We have talked about going with the gut, but have you ever paid attention to, and made a change based on a sign in your life?
Hi Lori,
I agree. I make a distinction between signs (in the general sense) and rules. Early in my life there were signs as to what I should be doing and how my life could unfold and the path that would be best for me to take but I didn't possess the awareness to pay attention and the courage to listen. Rules can be societal and often rules are outdated and no longer apply but are still blindly followed by people and society. To me reality is what must be deduced and adhered to and heightened awareness is the way to determine what's really going on and how we should really respond or act.Of course the theory is easy, it's the application that's hard. And sometimes we want certainty where none exists but still we must venture forward.
Riley
@Rileyhar
Oh Riley - you've hit it on the head - when I referenced sometimes wanting someone else to make the decision - that is it "wanting certainty'... but there is none.
so we have to move forward with our desires/beliefs as to what is 'right....
HOW do you manage to determine that?
I try to listen to my emotional guidance system (what makes me happy, what pulls me down etc.) when you persistently experience the same emotion about something there is a message there if you are willing and have the courage to listen. And of course the hard part is acting on that message.
@Rileyhar Great point Riley! The hard part is acting on it. I wonder why that is - because we aren't sure of the message? Because we like things the way they are? We could go for months, even years ignoring a gnawing feeling about something without acting on it. Are we lazy creatures or fearful ones? Your thoughts?
@StaceyMJCouturier @Rileyhar Wow Stacey, you've dropped all the way to # 3.
Can't play now but I'll be back...
@bdorman264 @Rileyhar #3? I don't get it? :P
@Rileyhar Great point Riley; "sometimes we want certainty where none exists but still we must venture forward." It would be great if the signs were clearer, but then they would be more like rules than signs, wouldn't they? Then our choice would be limited, particularly if they are like old outdated rules.
I like this: reality is what must be deduced and adhered to and heightened awareness is the way to determine what's really going on and how we should really respond or act.
That sounds harder than just watching for signs LOL It sounds like WORK! Have you ever had an experience of following a sign that was life-changing for you?
Hi Lori, this is a good message to start the week : )
Signs are sometimes hard to see. When you're buried in the muck and mire of a bad situation, some folks won't even have the ability to see a sign - even if it was right in front of them. Sometimes, just taking a step back and reflecting on the tasks at hand and your options can do wonders for gaining back your clarity.
This is a sign that things need to change that most of us have had at one time or another: "floundering in the water, sometimes hanging onto a floatation device, sometimes sinking."
If you feel this way, chances are you're not getting the results you're looking for and taking that step back and getting some fresh air and a fresh perspective is just what the doctor ordered.
Thanks for the inspiration this AM Lori - have a great week : )
@Mark_Harai Sometimes you are so deep in you don't see the signs until after the fact and hopefully the life lessons learend along the way made you wiser.
@bdorman264 Indeed Bill - some wise words sir : )
@Mark_Harai Did you say muck & mire in the same sentence? Just wanted to say hello; I'll have to come back later.
@bdorman264 Hehe, yes I did Bill!
@Mark_Harai
Hi Mark! - - Great comments....tell me (us) how have you learned to step back...enjoy the pause and re-assess what should happen as you move forward?
@StaceyMJCouturier I've just leaned from being in trying and treacherous situations that emotionally and physically stretch you in life and having come out the other side unscathed.
I mean, everything is going to be OK. Regardless of any situation you happen to be in, you need to understand and believe that everything is going to be OK.
Season's come and season's go. Understand that there's a purpose for seasons in our life and understanding that can give you relief through the process and help you gain something from every situation you find yourself in.
Nothing can prevent you from being what you envision your life is to be if believe it and never stop pursuing your vision and passion.
Pause for me is to just unplug from the pressures of life, and just be thankful for this very moment. I think the pause and re-assessment is about being in the "now" of life. We get things done and can take actions that impact our future in positive ways instead of having one foot in the past (woulda, coulda, shoulda) and another one foot in a future that is unknown (fear).
We need to stop our minds from running wild and getting the best of us, if that makes any sense. That can be a paralyzing state of mind to be in.
That's my perspective anyhow, I hope you can make sense out of some of it : )
@Mark_Harai @StaceyMJCouturier Unplugging is good and live in and enjoy the moment. Things will be ok.............
@Mark_Harai Hey Mark! I think we've all been guilty of being oblivious to signs right in front of us. Stepping back is the key, but we're so busy that it seems easier to keep going than to take that time.( Ironically, spending time in the Blogosphere both reminds me of this and prevents me from heeding the advice!)
Have you ever heeded signs; coincidences, serendipities, fortuitous meetings that changed something in your life?
@Lori All of the above more than once!
I had a business associate call me up one day and ask me if I would consider going to Costa Rica to do some due-diligence on a company he was interested in buying.
I had heard many good things about Costa Rica from friends who had traveled there and had been wanting to see what this country was about someday...
The rest is history, I've been living in Costa Rica with my wife of 14 years and 4 of my 7 kids for nearly 5 years now and loving every minute of it.
I could go on and on with these kinds of stories.
Your awareness and desires can open up some incredible doors!
@Mark_Harai Wow Mark - that's an amazing example and a great story! One incident!? I have to guess that it felt right there - that all the conditions were favorable for you to make the move. What an exciting life!
"Your awareness and desires can open up some incredible doors!" What an empowering statement!