How to Silence the Fear

by Craig McBreen

Post image for How to Silence the Fear

Today we are fortunate to have Craig McBreen as our guest author! Craig blogs over at Craig McBreen.com Today he writes about how to handle and silence fear. Take it away Craig!

I’ve spent most of my life in a perpetual state of anxiety; a result of childhood experiences, brain chemistry, or a combination of both. I don’t know. Regardless, fear, anxiety and dread have always been operating in the background, creeping into every activity and social interaction, slowing me down and sometimes paralyzing me. I was great at not displaying this angst, but it was always there, deeply within.

As a kid, I lived in my own private bubble. Chubby, antisocial and disengaged is no way to live, especially during those formative years. My teens and twenties were not much better. And this affliction lasted well into my thirties. I had my nose to the grindstone and I carried on, displaying confidence, but always knee-deep in dread and apprehension. I concealed it well, but it festered within.

Fear and anxiety are primal emotions which originate in the amygdala, our infamous lizard brain. It’s an extraordinary part of the machine. You need it, but its elemental interference can dominate your life if you let it. In Jonathan Field’s latest book, “Uncertainty,” he writes about changing a story to alter your emotional response. He explains how cognitive reevaluation activates the prefrontal cortex and lessens the influence of our hard-wired reptilian friend, where fear and anxiety reside. If you reconstruct a scenario, you can bend panic and fear into more positive thoughts, even excitement, numbing these ever-present, primitive emotions.

Changing a storyline in your head can alter the way our brains process the experience, toning down this ancient programming. You basically alter a story in a way that softens the fear and propels you to action. You really can bend fear into something else entirely.

I worked to change those negative bits and bytes into positive outcomes or best case scenarios, reprogramming the machine by taming and reframing, creating positive outcomes in my head and continually reinforcing affirmative thoughts. I didn’t start this process until I was in my forties. Hey, you don’t have to tell me I’m a slow learner.

I find it helps when I take time to sit in silence. To stop and slowly reconstruct situations in my head over and over again helped. It eased the panic. This structured meditation propelled me to get out and “do.” To take risks. And once I started “doing,” fear became much easier to manage.

It’s not a perfect system and I’m still a work-in-progress, but it’s another unscientific approach that has worked for me. These practices helped me tame my fears and get on with life in a big way.

How do you silence your fears? What techniques do you use to stop the fear and get on with your life?

photo credit: joiseyshowaa

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TheJackB 1503 pts

I have meant to comment on this post for a week now. Sometimes the best way I have to silence the voices in my head is to go find whatever it is that frightens me and deal with it then and there.

For a variety of reasons it is not always practical or available but when I can it has proven to be quite useful.

My latest conversation: A Letter To The Universe

Lori 1857 pts moderator

TheJackB I like that Jack. Deal with it!

My latest conversation: What They Don’t Teach Us in School

Craig McBreen 285 pts

TheJackB Hi Jack, Thanks for the comment. I'm all for that ... embrace discomfort and deal with it. You often dread something, but after it's over, realize it wasn't so bad after all, and you usually feel much better.

Stephanie Barnes 28 pts

Even I was a kid,I never entertained my fears.My family said that I'm a great fighter.My motto in life "come what may".So what ever it takes,I always take the risk.I think that's my talent.

My latest conversation: 1300 numbers

Lori 1857 pts moderator

Joanna Wilson How cool to know that about yourself Joanna! And you're a risk-taker too. That's a talent worth cultivating!

My latest conversation: Who's Got Your Back?

Craig McBreen 285 pts

Joanna Wilson Hi Joanna, Thanks for the comment and these are indeed enviable skills to possess. Wish I could say the same about warding off fears as a youth, but as you've read above, it took me a while to get there. ;)

Justin Mazza 57 pts

Hi Lori and Craig,

I found that taking B vitamins and doing deep breathing exercises has really helped me with my anxiety. It still creeps back in when I work too hard for too long but luckily I have developed skills to cope and manage it.

Lori 1857 pts moderator

Justin | Mazzastick Hi Justin! Thanks for introducing something on the biological level. I'm familiar with taking B vitamins during stressful times! Do you have a specific breathing technique you do? Have you blogged about it - link please ;-)

Craig McBreen 285 pts

Justin | Mazzastick

Hey Justin,

I wasn't really aware that taking B vitamins to supplement your diet could help with stress. See how much I know. :) If you take them how much do you recommend Doc? As Lori mentioned I would like to know more about the exercises ... and vitamins. Thanks!

johncharlesowens 159 pts

We are hard wired to experience fear when we think that their is a threat to our relationships. This is what I believe is the foundation of all fear. When we are a baby, being separated from our mother will cause fear. If we fail to bond properly with our mother (primary care giver) we will be an anxious person . We learn to feel secure from our mother. As we get older we learn what our home and culture use as symbols for attachment and security in relationships. As we develop our ego we look for symbols that validate our ego anything that threatens our ego is a threat to our relationship with our ego. I will give you a couple of examples when I was five I broke a window playing ball . When my dad came home he was mad and he yelled at me. He asked me If I had the money to pay for the window. My whole life I would get mad when I broke something and then I would experience a sinking feeling of despair about paying for it. When I was 4 I fell off a wall and pulled a 10lb stone unto my foot while crawling home on my hands and knees two 12 year kids came along and started laughing in my face they actually bent down so that they could get right in my face. They shamed me (shame is fear of separation) from that day if anyone tried to make fun of me in any way I would get upset. First example fear of separation from my father. Second example fear of separation from my ego. Those two took 26 years to figure out.

Craig McBreen 285 pts

johncharlesowens Wow, John, great stories and thanks for the message. You do not like fear, and it shows ;) :) Appreciate your detailed comments!

Lori 1857 pts moderator

johncharlesowens It's amazing how one incident can affect a person for so many years, in fact, until the person can unravel it with understanding. It makes me wonder how many of our present-day responses to life issues stem back into our childhood. I'm guessing ALL of them? Most of them then!? ;-) What do you think?

johncharlesowens 159 pts

Lori Well I think that as a human being we go through different levels or types of conscientiousness . Probably something like our evolutionary past. As an adult you must integrate all the levels and their is an opportunity to enter into even higher levels of consciousness say like the buddha,Jesus, the author of Tao Te Ching, Zen Masters, ect. What is realy cool is that Just by reading this you will have changed the physical structure of your mind if only in a small way, but still change. One thing is for sure that if you do not integrate your mind and give up your childish formulas for happiness you will suffer allot in this life.

Lori 1857 pts moderator

johncharlesowens "...and give up your childish formulas for happiness..." there's a whole new discussion in that statement! Most of the time we don't even realize our formulas ARE childish! Yikes!

Craig McBreen 285 pts

Lorijohncharlesowens This sounds like a post in the making, ahem … John? How about it?

TashaGosselin 197 pts

johncharlesowens Sounds like we could have a pretty interesting conversation! The area of attachment is a big focus for me right now with my research (about maternal attachment) and clinical (couples relationships) interests and it sounds like you know a lot about it! Hopefully we have a chance to talk a bit over the holidays! :)

johncharlesowens 159 pts

TashaGosselin Hi Natasha

I first came across attachment theory in the book.

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Sue Johnson (Author)

She is a University of Ottawa professor . She is clinical psychologist and a leader in the science of relationships. Director of the Ottawa Couple and Family Institute.

She developed Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, it's based on a simple premise: Men and women are emotionally attached to and dependent on their partners. And that's a good thing.

You probably already know all this . For me I have looked for the source of fear now for 26 years and when I read this book and cross referenced it with the Bible it lined up 100% a lot of lights went on . I love it when science and the bible line up. it is so cool.

I am looking forward to visiting .

TashaGosselin 197 pts

johncharlesowens How incredible! I am reading that exact same book (over and over for the past two years!) and I have been learning directly from the author at the U of O since may! She is an incredible woman, and the theory made lights go on for me too. I feel like everyone in the world should read that book!

We will have even more to talk about than I thought! :)

johncharlesowens 159 pts

TashaGosselin I thought you would know her. You are lucky to be on the cutting edge of some great insights into the life of the mind. I am sure that it is a great encouragement to you that you may actually be in a good position to help people in the future. My laboratory is myself so it is always good to be able to get outside impute as a check on where I am going with my mind.

johncharlesowens 159 pts

Fear starts out small so deal with it immediately before it becomes big.

Fear grows when we worry about it.

Fear drains our energy away

Fear inhibits our are ability to learn.

Fear kills us slowly with toxic levels of hormones.

Fear is reasonable or we would not believe in it. Hence you can not argue with it and win.

Fear and Time go hand in hand

Fear is the root of all offense

Fear motivates us to do the right thing for the wrong reasons.

Fear always yells the loudest when it is wrong

Fear always wants to have its own way.

I never met a fear based thought that I liked

Fear always makes you pay more then you wanted to pay and makes you take longer then you wanted to take.

Get smart and do the opposite of whatever fear is saying

Don’t look now but fear is knocking at your door and he does not have good news.

I hate to say I told you so but fear is not your friend

Fear never playes nice he is always going for the throat

Can you tell that I do not like Fear.

Lori 1857 pts moderator

johncharlesowens Nope - I can't tell John ;-) I'd love to hear what you think of Melody's two posts on fear! There is more to it than meets the eye - or goes for the throat!

Craig McBreen 285 pts

johncharlesowens

John,

Well, Sir. This is great!

I just printed it out and will tape it to my wall. :)

Thanks!

johncharlesowens 159 pts

The truth shall set you free from fear. What is the truth ? according to the bible truth is.

1 John 4:18New King James Version (NKJV) 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

Replace fear based thoughts with love based thoughts. It helps to have a wise soul to ask what love is in any given situation.

Lori 1857 pts moderator

johncharlesowens I think it was the Course in Miracles which said there is nothing but fear and love and fear isn't real ;-) And I love the quote: perfect love casts out all fear. I affirm that I AM love to deal with my fear. I don't remember who said the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, but I think that's true too.

Craig McBreen 285 pts

johncharlesowens

"Replace fear based thoughts with love based thoughts."

This sounds great to me. And I like Lori's take on it too, "I AM love to deal with my fear."

You are both some cool kids who know how to deal with this stuff!

johncharlesowens 159 pts

My personal belief is that all fear is based on a lie unless of course you are being chased by a grizzly bear. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fetEkYRXkP4

KDillabough 1076 pts

Craig McBreenjohncharlesowens Eh?

Craig McBreen 285 pts

KDillaboughjohncharlesowens If I came to Canada I would probably hear, "You hoser, eh!"

KDillabough 1076 pts

Craig McBreenjohncharlesowens Haven't heard a Bob and Doug Mackenzie reference in a long time:)

DeliberateBlog 107 pts

Hey Craig and Lori,

I'd love to say that I never experience fear, but of course I do. But I'm happy to report that I've gotten so much better at handling it. I don't let the fear response scare me more. That's important. I realize that the physical feelings I get are just adrenalin shooting through my system. So, I don't panic about the panic, which often creates a really horrible loop and makes the problem so much worse. I also shift my focus to something neutral and can dissipate the fear, sometimes within seconds. It's hardest when I'm in a situation where I have to participate and I get nervous. Like if I have to speak. I'm focusing on what I'm doing, so it's difficult to take a few seconds and just focus on a butterfly. In those cases, I imagine a bubble of light around me. Whatever danger I'm expecting at that moment (I keep it general if I don't have the opportunity to evaluate what's going on right then and there), is fake. I know that. So, I focus on listing all the ways in which I'm ACTUALLY safe. That generally keeps everything in check and only takes seconds. Usually, after a few minutes, I'm completely relaxed.

I consider the fear response the result of a kind of laziness - I'm focusing on something I didn't consciously choose to look at. But my mind went there anyway. I believe it's like building a muscle - practice focusing and don't let your mind get away with latching on to random, unwanted thoughts that cause fear or some other response. Practice, practice, practice. That's what works for me. :o)

Hugs,

Melody

Lori 1857 pts moderator

DeliberateBlog Hi Melody! Wouldn't we all love to say we never experience fear! Years ago I read a book called The Gift of Fear: http://www.amazon.ca/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198 It put a whole other spin on fear!

It seems public speaking is a fear many people share. That in itself would be an interesting discussion! I like how you focus on the ways you are safe. That's a way of conditioning your mind, right? What does the Law of Attraction have to say about fear? Do you have a post on it you could link to here?

DeliberateBlog 107 pts

Lori Hey Lori. I have actually written two articles about fear (it's a 2 parter). They focus more on Panic attacks, but also explain what fear is. I'll almost certainly write more about different fears in the future.

You can find the articles here:

http://www.deliberatereceiving.com/fear-part1-how-to-deal-with-panick-attacks.html

http://www.deliberatereceiving.com/fear-part2-what-is-fear-and-how-to-release-it.html

Happy shiny puppy hugs,

Melody

Lori 1857 pts moderator

DeliberateBlog These are great Melody! I really liked that I could listen to them while I did other (don't worry- pretty mindless) work!Hey KDillabough Craig McBreen Ali Mac Al Smith SocialMediaDDS StaceyMJHughes TashaGosselin VishnusVirtues WGB2U bdorman264 johncharlesowens you may want to give these a listen too!

Happy shiny puppy hugs ;-)

Lori

Craig McBreen 285 pts

DeliberateBlog

Melody,

Hello. I think you earn the gold star for comment length today. :) This is about the same word count as my post, you know. :)

Bill Dorman is stuck in the corner for being a bad kid, but you are the prize student today.

Learning to control that fear response is the only way really. We can't eliminate it, just have to deal with it as best we can. It's all about controlling that reaction, right?

I like your method of dealing with this. It's a pretty creative way of dealing with fear, that's for sure.

Never heard fear equated with laziness, but that is a very good point. It takes a ton of practice day in and day out to tame fear and anxiety. Great point!

Thanks for leaving a gold star comment. I'm sending you a high five and a fist bump. We can do that, right? :)

DeliberateBlog 107 pts

Craig McBreen Hey Craig. Yeah, no one's ever accused me of keeping it too short... LOL. Poor Bill. I bet he's having fun in the corner, though. That's how he gets back at the establishment. He may actually like the corner, and will do stuff to get himself sent there. Yeah, he was THAT kid... :oP

Yes, we can do high fives, fist bumps, complicated handshakes, the boogie woogie, European kisses (pretentious or otherwise) and matrix style karate kicks. But I prefer the good old Happy Shiny Puppy Hug.

Squooooooosh and grin,

Melody

Craig McBreen 285 pts

DeliberateBlog Hey, Melody. Old fashioned Shiny Puppy Hug, eh? Beats matrix style karate kicks. Thanks for the great comments.

WGB2U 205 pts

Hello Craig!

Great post! Nice to "meet" you! :)

I do three things pretty consistently ... I talk to myself, I pray and I run. I do all three at once, each separately, and pray most. :) I can't literally "talk" myself out of being fearful and it's quite amusing if you happen to see me talking out loud to myself.

I've gone through periods in my life where I was more fearful than other times. Inevitably I look back and think, "What was I so afraid of?" I remind myself and others that percentage wise, what we worry or fear about the odds are in our favor that there's no merit to most of it! ;)

It was a pleasure reading your post and the comments here ... as always in Lori's house!!

Wishing you a great day!

Much kindness,

Elena

Lori 1857 pts moderator

WGB2U Hi Elena! I love your talk, pray run technique (Wait! Is that a book ;-) particularly when I picture you doing them all at once! It's true that fear can paralyze us so much that we neglect to ask what it is we are afraid of! I remember a client who came to me with a lot of anxiety. All that came to me as I did Reiki on her was this, ask her what she is afraid of. We give fear a socially acceptable name: anxiety, and then we rationalize it away, saying EVERYONE suffers from anxiety at one time or another. But all this does is relieve us of the responsibility of understanding it and permanently eradicating it. So it returns and the cycle continues.

I agree with you that the odds are in our favor, so why not sit and take a good hard look at the things we fear, when they arise, and do something about them?

bdorman264 1935 pts

WGB2U Easy Elena, if you feed him he will never go away. He's me times 10 and that can be pretty scary..............

Craig McBreen 285 pts

bdorman264WGB2U

It's way too late, my man. Way too late :)

Actually Elena, don't listen to him. He can't find a hat to fit his head either ;)

WGB2U 205 pts

Craig McBreenbdorman264

FUNNY!!

Craig McBreen 285 pts

WGB2U

Hi Elena,

Nice to "meet" you as well.

About a year ago, while walking from my office to my car I noticed this guy laughing at me. After I got in my car I realized I didn't have bird poop on my shirt, but I had been talking to myself and was a little animated about it. My wife calls me on this often. I didn't have an invisible friend when I was a kid, really. And I don't now, but I do have some pretty heated conversations with myself. :)

Sorry to ramble. Maybe my way of saying you and I are alike :)

You are so right, there is no merit to most of our fear and about 99.9 percent of the stuff we worry about never comes to fruition.

Thanks for stopping by the house of Lori. She runs a tight ship and the comments do come in droves!!!!

Wishing you a great day as well!

WGB2U 205 pts

Craig McBreen

I didn't have an invisible friend either, but I did always keep a space on a chair or couch or in a car for my "Guardian Angel". ;)

johncharlesowens 159 pts

Hi Craig

We are hard wired to experience fear when we think that their is a threat to our relationships. This is what I believe is the foundation of all fear.

Ask yourself the next time your experiencing fear . What relationship is being threatened ? The answer will usually be myself (ego) , others or God .

Lori 1857 pts moderator

johncharlesowens I agree John, awareness of the reason for the fear is the first step to addressing it. So the question is not "what am I afraid of" but "what am I afraid of losing"? Or should I say "WHO"?

Craig McBreen 285 pts

johncharlesowens

Hey John,

How's it going? Yes, most often it's a fear of losing something. Status within a group (ego) ouch! ... a loved one, or maybe even a relationship with a material thing. I drive a 10 year old car, but my neighbor does have a shiny BMW and he treats it like his third child. ;) If someone is in love with their car does that count? ;)

Seriously, great point and thanks for stopping by Lori's place!

KDillabough 1076 pts

I'm either very lucky, or my sports background has made me fairly immune from fear. Don't get me wrong...I can still get butterflies of apprehension, but the good kind...the kind that raises the endorphin levels (that's for you bdorman264 ) and prepares the body and mind for challenges. I really fear very little, except for heights maybe. Athletics conditions you to confront any fears you may have and meet them head on. Doesn't make me special: just makes me lucky, I guess. One day I'll share some of the stories that others asked, "Weren't you afraid?", and I could honestly say "No." I also think it's about deciding. Once a decision is made, there's no need to be fearful...it's time to be committed and action-oriented.

Craig McBreen I applaud you for taming your fears and getting on with your life "in a big way." Your writing is a testament to the great journey you're on. Keep on "doing":) Cheers! Kaarina

Lori 1857 pts moderator

KDillaboughbdorman264Craig McBreen Interesting distinction Kaarina between good fear and bad fear. Do you think if the biological response is the same (rising endorphins) then we can label all fear as "good fear" and just get on with it. If we viewed fear as say, butterflies, we'd just address it, right? Maybe the decision to be made is to move forward despite fear.

KDillabough 1076 pts

Loribdorman264Craig McBreen I think there's both the physical/physiological response and then there's the psychological response. We don't get to choose the former: it's automatic/autonomic. It's what our mind does when we experience the physical reaction that creates the sense of "good" fear vs. "bad" fear...and that mental response has a lot to do with conditioning, habit, attitude, training etc. So fear is fear, I guess...it's what the mind does with it that makes the difference:)



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