Years ago I watched the movie “Heartburn” starring Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep. I’m not recommending it – I found it to be a fairly depressing movie- but one part of it stayed with me.
Streep and Nicholson, a married couple, were at a dinner party with close friends and they were playing a game where one by one each person would identify him or herself by using four words which represented how they saw themselves. In the movie it was the turning point for Streep when (spoiler alert) her husband said “Lover” before he said “Husband”. This told her that he was, again, having an extramarital affair.
I’ve thought about that scene often since I watched the movie; intrigued with the idea that you could capture your essence with words and how the words could reveal so much about you.
Our roles in life, like our passions, change don’t they? I’ve been Daughter, Student, Writer, Bride, Wife, Mother. I’ve been Aromatherapy-Lady, Internet-Marketer, Entrepreneur, Reiki-Master, and lately; Blogger and Author. Over time our roles change and with them, the way we see ourselves. If I had to describe myself today in just four words I would use Wife, Mother, Writer and Community-builder.
What happens when your life changes and with it your role, when you let go of one rope as you are swinging over the chasm and you haven’t yet spied the rope you need to grab next? I wonder if we can use words to brace ourselves and set Intentions for the new roles we want to play in the game of life.
Has your role changed over your life journey? How? What four words describe you now?
photo credit: Ginny
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mom, wife, loving, seeking
Four words are way too less to describe myself ;) But here you go: determined, hard working, loyal and dedicated :) I guess I am a true Capricorn :) Interesting to see from the comments, how those 4 words are different for individuals of different age. May be once I turn like 50, I'll have a different set of 4 words to describe myself.
@Dhara Mistry Hi Dhara! Those are characteristics of Capricorn? I wonder if everyone's words correspond with their sun signs.
I think our words change over time as our roles in life change, but then that's if you're talking about occupations and relationships (as I did.) But who a person is may not change but only evolve as we grow. Come back here when you're 50 and see!
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Hey Lori,
How are you doing ?
Interesting article. All of us go through the change of roles with time. Some of them are small term, some really long term.
If I describe myself in four words
1. Inquisitive
2. Friend forever
3. Consistent
4. Hard working
Thats what I could think of ;)
@blogaks Hi Ashvini! Those words really sound like you! Have they changed for you or have these always been who you are?
Lori,
I love the imagery of that swinging rope! That is precisely the way so many of us have felt lately.
Spirit, Connected, Love, Interrupted
@Julie | A Clear Sign Oooo! Say more about "the way so many of us have felt lately"! And please explain (if you like) "Interrupted". This is intriguing Julie!
@Lori By "so many of us" I mean people over at A Clear Sign (and around the world) who are intrigued by and called to investigate spirituality, usually because their life fell apart in one way or another. That is by design of course, a huge "wake up" call commencing over the last period of a few years to a decade or so. It is very much culminating now. When things make no sense, it tends to lead one to investigate for an explanation! This is not the same thing as "Law of Attraction" and "The Secret" type stuff, which is so much fluff as commonly applied. Also I liked the swinging rope because it reminds me of "life before" and "life after" understanding and seeing for yourself what actually happens and how spirit really is right there with you. It's like the world turned on its ear. But, you don't have all of the answers and you don't know what's going to happen next - you just trust.
"Interrupted" is a little more pedestrian - just referring to the fact that I wear so many hats and have had to make such an adjustment going from full time office lifestyle to the one I currently have. If it's not my business, it's my husband's business, or the kids, or the school or the dogs or the house or the...!
@johncharlesowens @Julie | A Clear Sign That's a positive way to look at the dark night of the soul John. Where would we be without the faith that things will get better, no matter how dark they are now?
@Julie | A Clear Sign @Lori
I do not think that you can say enough about the rock solid foundation that faith builds under the quest for spiritual enlightenment. One of the greatest christian mystics once said that the spiritual quest was like the root of a tree groping its way through the cold dark rock infested earth to the water that it knows is their .
And |Saint Paul said
Hebrews 11:6
6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Faith that dark night of the soul it is dark because the intellect has know Idea where you are going
@Julie | A Clear Sign Thanks Julie! Yes, there are a lot of changes in our worlds today - the big one and our little ones. The swinging rope image captures that feeling between roles and stages of life.
Your word "interrupted" reminds me of a quote by, I think, Henri Nouwen; "I have always been complaining that my work was constantly interrupted; then I realised that the interruptions were my work." I remember that quote on every day that's filled with those interruptions. :-) You have two businesses, kids and a dog?!?! That's busy!
Just four? Egads ... okay.
Industrious
Inquisitive
Determined
Fun
@Craig McBreen That sounds like you Craig! Cool!
I love this Lori!
Okay, here are words that best describe me: faith, family, teacher, learner.
I sort of cheated because what I would want to say takes more words than the four, so I used some general terms that cover a broader set of priorities and characteristics like "faith" (religious, spiritual, growing, compassionate, etc) and "family" (husband, father). :)
@Ken Wert Nice "cheat" :) I think you captured a lot in your final list!
@Ken Wert That's cool Ken! It's a great way to combine a lot of characteristics in a few words. You say teacher and learner and I bet you learn as much by teaching as anything else! It's interesting, isn't it, when you boil down how you see yourself and your role in life? We can't be all things (to all people) so we may as well decide what we want to be. Do you agree? ;-)
Hi Lori
my 4 words would be image, vessel, river, desire
The truth is Lori that I do not like to think of people in terms of words especially myself. I like to think in terms of the spirit of a person and the only word that fits that world view for me is Good.
@johncharlesowens I love your words! They are all so creative and unique!
@johncharlesowens Those words do seem to suit you John. I like how you boil it all down to one word, Good. If I boiled mine down I'd get to "Blessed". But you make the point that you and most people here think of themselves in terms of spirit, describing characteristics and feelings rather than relationship/roles in life. The relationship/role words suggest the characteristics, while stating the characteristics goes directly to the essence. Funny, I'd have to think hard to come up with the kinds of words you all have produced! Like me, these guys chose role/relationship words @Stephen Martin (Husband, Father, Seeker, Writer.), @MindAdventure (Author, Philosopher, Teacher, Entrepreneur)
These people chose essence words: @JimK (loyalty, compassionate, dedicated and funny) @KDillabough (Passionate, purposeful, happy, strong.) @Rileyhar (fortunate, curious, mortal and a thinker) @SocialMediaDDS (interested, compassionate, sincere, dedicated ) @TheJackB (Restless, Relentless, Searching, Happy) @Yvonne Root (existential pragmatist, believe it!) and TashaGosselin (Loving, Empathetic, Hardworking, Lucky)
And @Hajra (shrink, writer , aunt, too talkative!) @DeliberateBlog (Teacher, Uplifter, adventurer and Happyshinypuppy) @LindaMHewett (writer, thinker, listener, enabler) chose some of each.
If you haven't weighed in yet, what are your words?
Tough one... After careful consideration and a number of substitutions, my final (current) answer is this:
Loving, Empathetic, Hardworking, Lucky
@TashaGosselin Those are beautiful words. Lucky is one of my secret words ;-) Not like @Bill Dorman win-another-big-screen-TV lucky, but then I'd like to win a big screen TV. :p
Somehow I think your "Lucky" springs from the other words. The Chinese character for luck looks like a person working http://www.terra-cotta-pendants.com/PRODUCTS/individual.php?id=700305
Do you think your words will change later in life?
@Lori Hahaha! I like how you say that it looks like a person working! I also noticed that it could also look like a girl playing with a dollhouse!
I think my words changed 5 or 6 times last night while I tried choosing them, so it is quite possible that they could change as early as this afternoon!
@TashaGosselin Hmm... I fickle eh? I wonder who you could possibly take after? ;-)
@TashaGosselin I love how you use the word lucky! Is it got to do with something specific?
@Hajra I'm happy you asked! I say lucky because I feel like there have been many happy coincidences in my life, and not very many bad turns. I feel I was lucky to be born into a loving, supportive, encouraging family, and to always have wonderful people around me who make life fun and interesting. I have rarely been hurt or let down by the people I love. I have always had someone to turn to when things don't go my way, and I have had some pretty amazing role models and teachers throughout my life. Maybe I should have put "lucky" as my first word now that I think about it! haha
@MyMiBoSo @Hajra Thank you! What a nice pair of messages to wake up to! :) Feel free to take my words if they suit you, Im happy to share! haha
@Hajra @TashaGosselin LOVE the beautiful outlook you have Tasha! We are indeed all pretty darn lucky when we think about it, but the fact that you choose to focus on that is testament to strength in your positive perspective! My 4 would need some more contemplation I think, but I must say that yours really seem to suit me as well!
@TashaGosselin Maybe you should have! You know what, you make the perfect example of appreciating all the good things!
By the way, I love the article and the picture! And I noticed its your 113th article, which is my lucky number! What a coincidence!
Hi Lori. This is another great post on your part. There are a number of words I guess to describe me. With just four to choose from, I'll select the more positive only. :) The four words to describe me are loyalty, compassionate, dedicated and funny.
@JimK Hi Jim! I love how you have funny as one of your words! I'd love to think I'm funny, or more specifically, witty, but who am I to know! I love your confidence! And yes, why include any negatives as you build your own character out of building-block words?!
It nice to see you here Jim!
@Lori It's always nice to be here Lori. I anticipate your bi-weekly blogs with the same anticipation as the morning paper.
@JimK Aw! You just made my day and trust me; it needed to be made ;-) Thanks Jim!
Oh I always LOVE LOVE LOVE coming here @Lori ...your posts exercise my brain and inspire such a desire to dig deeper AND to "hear" what the rest of your community have to say. Four words that describe me....hmmmm....
interested, compassionate, sincere, dedicated
These are the words that came up for me without filters. It's interesting to read the comments...some people just "know" what they "are" and others explain why they described themselves in the words they used. An interesting idea would be to ask the people in our love circle to use four words to describe us and see how close the words that we perceive ourselves to be match how others see us.
Great post, as always, @lorigosselin
xo
Claudia
@SocialMediaDDS Hi Claudia! Yes, it would be fun to ask others to attach four words to us. @StaceyMJHughes said she did it with her high school classes. How funny and perhaps upsetting to see that others see us differently than we see ourselves. Your words do seem to suit you, though. You too chose feeling words rather than descriptive ones. Cool! Okay, I'm asking those in my love circle (or maybe just my HUSBANDLOVER @DeliberateBlog ) to describe me in four words. This will be fun! Try it yourself and we can BOTH report our findings Claudia! Or not ;-)
Wow Lori. Just 4 words eh? I would say Teacher, Uplifter, adventurer and Happyshinypuppy. Yes, it's a word. :o) I find it interesting to think that the order may be significant. I am definitely a teacher to my very core, so it makes sense that this word would come out first. Although, I think I was an uplifter before I was a teacher. Hmmm. I like all of my words. I think that's the most important. Great exercise!
And you know, I would love it if my husband referred to himself as a lover before a husband (providing he wasn't having an affair). "Husband" can be about obligation and commitments. But lover is passionate and voluntary (many married people do not feel that everything in their relationship is voluntary anymore). As a word, I think it's much more romantic. To me, anyway. So, as long as he means that he's MY lover, I'd love for him (the imaginary him, since I'm not married) to describe himself as my lover AND my husband. Yum!
Huge hugs!
Melody
@DeliberateBlog "Happyshinypuppy"? Really? LOL I see your point about Husband vrs Lover, but if you watch the movie, you'll see why it was so bad for Meryl Streep when he said Lover first. But hey - why not just say Loverhusband!?! LOL
Restless, Relentless, Searching, Happy
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@TheJackB Ooooooh Jack - mysterious, and yet, well, happy! It's like reading a whole book in four words - with a happy ending! ;-)
A thought provoking exercise. I'll go with fortunate, curious, mortal and a thinker.
@Rileyhar Hi Riley! I like how you include Fortunate, a reflection of how you see your life blessed. And then you add mortal :o And a curious thinker! (I'd have combined those and made room for another ;-)
@Lori you got a point
This is so much fun!
Yes, my role has changed.
How? One would hope through growth, but then?
My four words: existential pragmatist, believe it!
@Yvonne Root Those are great words Yvonne, but you can add one more. (Combine Believe and it! ;-) What would you add?
@Lori you stumped me Lori. Perhaps I'm more of a pragmatist than I thought :)
Great exercise, Lori. I'll go with Husband, Father, Seeker, Writer. Especially like your point that how we see ourselves changes as our roles change. Having written a good bit lately about how to find callings in our lives, I've noticed that many people think that a calling is a single thing you find and then the quest is done; your calling won't change. Certainly I've been guilty of believing that. The truth, of course, is that our callings can and do change. But we need to stay aware of that and step back periodically to be sure we're seeing ourselves as we are right now, rather than how we used to be.
@Stephen Martin Hi Stephen! I like your words. Have you seen your calling change? You make a good point in saying we have to see ourselves in our present roles. Sometimes that means letting go of roles, which can be hard. And when we adopt new roles (Husband, Father) does that push some roles off the list!? Fun huh!
@Lori -- Hi Lori, think my calling(s) has become clearer as I've gotten a little older. Family and writing were always big priorities for me, but I've grown into them more and learned to appreciate them more as well. So, for me, it hasn't been so much a process of new callings emerging as it's been moving deeper into existing ones, if that makes sense.
@Stephen Martin @Lori It does make sense Stephen. It's like we become more of who we are. Or sometimes it just takes a while to act on our passions. But what can we do well that doesn't come out of who we are? I've always felt myself to be a writer though I haven't formally written or published anything until now. Have you published anything Stephen? Wait! I just checked - cool! http://www.amazon.com/Messy-Quest-Meaning-Catholic-Practices/dp/1933495324/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1320503726&sr=8-1 It's on my wish list! ;-)
Hi Lori,
This is a good one. I believe this about myself and believe all of us can add it to our label (although its a bit of a cheat :) ) --> marvelously made, destined to win.
On a more personal level: Author, Philosopher, Teacher, Entrepreneur
@MindAdventure Hi Rob! I'll add that to my list of words! (Now why did I say only FOUR!?!?) marvelously made, destined to win! :-)
Your words seem right for you, based on what I know about you. Have they changed over time? When did you come to know yourself in this way?