Imagine you have a choice: your friends have a surprise party for your Birthday, or the same friends plan a party for you which is not a surprise. Which do you choose? Do you like surprises?
I don’t like surprises. I’d rather have all the fun of looking forward to the event, time to prepare and enjoy the anticipation, no matter what the event may be, than to only have the event itself.
When someone sends you flowers, as one of my friends did for my Birthday, you receive a phone call from the Florist ensuring someone is home so they can deliver them. You wait, wondering who sent the flowers. You imagine what the bouquet will be like, you anticipate opening the colorful wrapping. You have two or three hours of happy anticipation while you await the delivery. Come to think of it, this a surprise that includes some time for anticipation – perfect!
I asked my husband if he likes surprises (his Birthday was coming up – I had to know) and he surprised me by becoming philosophical. “Life is full of surprises,” he said, “You have no choice; you have to like them.” No. I don’t. But at least I knew he’d be okay with the surprise party I was planning for him.
If you want to have a surprise party for someone, do it right! First, make sure this person likes surprises. Second, tell everyone that it is a surprise so no one will spoil it. Third, don’t have the party on the actual Birthday – have it before the date. This will minimize the chance that they will become suspicious as they might if you make a slip on the day of the party. Finally, don’t pretend to have forgotten their special day in order to increase the element of surprise. Have a decoy plan and let them know about it.
Just don’t do any of this for me.
Have you ever had a surprise party for someone? Have you been the recipient of one? Do you like surprises?
photo credit: James Russo
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Unfortunately, for me, the only surprises I have received lately are gloomy surprises. Working on trying to bring some sunshine back to my life now that everything is on the table.
Wish me luck!!
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@tonygreene113 Aw! T hat's no fun Tony! Maybe you should try the Surprise Journal we've been talking about here. It's not caught on for me [Read: no real surprises to speak of - yet!] but for @Julie | A Clear Sign it's working!
Anyway, good luck bringing the luck back to the Good side!
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Hi Lori,
I love them! It's been forever since I had one! OK, that's not strictly true, I have a goodly number of unpleasant surprises, but we won't count them. I'm thinking of the fun kind, like parties, or unexpected and loved gifts. Maybe as we get older we tend to be more of the givers and arrangers of the surprises but receive fewer...that doesn't seem right, does it? I may have to go around requesting happy surprises :)
@Julie | A Clear Sign No, we're not counting unpleasant surprises, though if you don't like surprises a planned pleasant one could go sour.
You could "request" happy surprises from life by doing the surprise journal experiment that @Stephen Martin and I were talking about. What could happen in two weeks during which you record and therefore focus upon the surprises life bestows? I'm going to find out. What do you think Julie?
@Lori That is a great idea! I am so hyper tuned in to all of the nuances anyway BUT I'm not looking for surprises. Why not? I should be!
@Julie | A Clear Sign That's great Julie! Hear that @Stephen Martin ? It's working!!!!
@Lori This is too funny - I already have two. One is for someone else, not sure that it counts, but the other one was a BIG surprise :)
@Julie | A Clear Sign I agree Julie! Why not manifest surprises. It sounds like an oxymoron. I wonder what @DeliberateBlog would think of this ;-)
I started today, well last night actually, but today's the first day I welcome the surprises from the Universe. So far, nothing but I'm paying attention!
Keep us posted on how it works for you, okay!?
I'm not sure I'd like a surprise party, but I like to plan social happenings even if the plans only are made a few hours in advance. Hello, a girl has to know what attire and shoes are appropriate. ;-) A surprise bouquet of flowers or a silly poem or just a "thinking of you" gift? I'm okay with those things; in fact, I cherish them. It means I was on that person's mind, and I didn't have to do anything to be there. That person just thought I was special enough to do something kind and unexpected for me.
@Erin F. You tell them Girl! Appropriate attire and shoes are important!
Who wouldn't like a surprise bouquet? Put me down for one! Are you doing the surprise journal with us Erin?
@Lori The surprise journal? I saw a comment about it, but I haven't followed the thread. What is it?
@Lori @Stephen Martin I like the idea! Realistically, though, I'm not sure if I'd be able to maintain a surprise journal. My poetry's taken a hit with all the recent changes in my life. I need to get it back on track. :)
@Erin F. The idea is to keep a Surprise Journal, much like we keep Gratitude Journals. When you keep a Gratitude Journal it makes you focus on things you are grateful for and it brings more of those into your life. @Stephen Martin and I were wondering if keeping a Surprise Journal would bring more pleasant surprises into our lives, so we're trying it. Starting now! What do you think?
I would put myself in the category of not liking surprises. However, my daughters planned the most excellent surprise party for me last year when I retired. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I was so touched by the months of effort they put into this, by their creativity in keeping it all a secret, and by the people who came from near and far to be there. It was a highlight of my life and I will always treasure it.
@galenpearl That's so nice Galen! You got to know about all their anticipation and planning after the fact and to enjoy it then. You didn't have any idea they were planning anything for you?
My man threw a surprise birthday party for me a few years ago, and "tickled" was the best way to explain how I felt!
@MyMiBoSo Hi Sabrina! So it was a good surprise then? Were you completely surprised - didn't see it coming?
Whether I like or dislike surprises is contingent upon the surprise. Some are pretty good.
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@TheJackB Hi Jack! Yeah, it does depend on the way the surprise is handled and what it's about.
Hi Lori,
I've had only a few surprises in this lifetime; nothing major - and not all of them good. I'm not opposed to them happening at all though. Most of the time surprises bring joy, laughter, and excitement; which is always a good thing. That's totally assuming that the surprise was meant to be a pleasant one.
I have hosted and assisted with surprise parties, but I've never had one of my own. I think it would be quite exciting to have one though. However, I probably would be the worst person to try and surprise. I'm usually good at reading people. So the first sigh I saw that someone was giving off a different energy or behavior that wasn't normal for them; I'd immediately begin trying to figure out what was going on. Funny thing is, that's perhaps the main reason I haven't had one yet. I guess I should work on that. :D
@Deeone Higgs Hi Deeone! You're too sharp to be surprised? :-) You mention the energy of the person. It's hard to harbor a surprise and not be excited about it which would change your energy. On the day of my husband's surprises, I tried to mute my excitement and be "dull" so he wouldn't notice my excitement.
Don't try to change that keep sense of awareness of the people around you. Make them try harder to surprise you!
Lori -- the older I've gotten, the more I've come to enjoy small surprises -- they're the ones that seem to stick with me the most. For example, my son had a couple boys sleep over at our house the other night for his 8th birthday. In the middle of the night, apparently, one of the boys forgot where he was and crawled from his sleeping bag into my son's bed! My son couldn't get him to move, so he got out of bed and tried sleeping on the carpet. Finally he moved into the boy's sleeping bag and spent the night there. What surprised me and my wife was that he figured the whole thing out by himself -- without waking us up to provide a solution. Little surprises come up like that all the time, and they're great because they offer new insights into other people and myself.
@Stephen Martin Hi Stephen! That's an interesting kind of surprise. I like that kind! ;-)
Yes, little surprises in our day are pleasant. Are you an observer of human nature? It's hard not to be an observer of our children. It's great when you can watch their growth like that. Hey! You know how people keep gratitude journals and then more and more things come into their lives to be grateful for? Well I wonder what would happen if we kept surprise journals, recording all the ways life surprises us. Do you think it would increase the number of surprises we'd have?
You know what, Lori? I really like the idea of a surprise journal -- will experiment with that for the next week or so and see how it goes!
@Stephen Martin Wait! I'm going to do a surprise journal too! It feels like an invitation to life to surprise us! Meet me back here in a week - or maybe at the end of the month? That will be easy to remember. Anyone else want to do the experiment? @galenpearl @KDillabough @johncharlesowens @Deeone Higgs @bdorman264 @MyMiBoSo @MyMiBoSo @StaceyMJHughes @SocialMediaDDS @joshchandler @Harleena Singh @Erin F. @Julie | A Clear Sign ? Two weeks of surprises! Who's in?
Lori,
It's true, you cannot prepare for surprises. But you know what, I think surprises make life more interesting. If life was predictable and we knew exactly what would happen at every moment along the way, we wouldn't experience any excitement.
It's precisely why I love surprises!!
@joshchandler Good point Josh! Life certainly is NOT predictable! Maybe it's better to just flow with that? I don't know.
@Lori It really depends. I have learnt in the past few years it does help to go with the flow if you can.
Like @KDillabough I like smaller surprises....for me, I think it is because I do like being in control (of myself...not others) so, when you are taken by surprise, you lose that sense of control of the situation. I do like the little surprises though...the kind that make you realize that you have been on someone's mind.
@SocialMediaDDS @KDillabough Hi Claud! You nailed this one. I was thinking about this issue of control but I didn't bring it up. I'd rather focus on the aspect of anticipation instead! Both are real. I wonder if all people who are Type A are less inclined to enjoy big surprise parties thrown for them. What do you think? It can't just be you and me!
I like small surprises, like flowers arriving unexpectedly, a handwritten note, an unexpected thank you, the car washed and detailed without me knowing, and the like. But I'm not a fan of BIG surprises. I'd be mortified at a surprise party, and wouldn't want to be given one or hold one. Now, if someone to whisk me off unexpectedly to the Caribbean as a big surprise, I might change my mind, haha! Cheers! Kaarina
that's a great way of setting them apart. I guess I fibbed when I said I've never been surprised (I was thinking of the 'BIG' surprises, parties, etc). But I do remember this one particular instance, when I had parked my car at the farm, and my husband's mother cleaned and vacuumed my car! Now that was a pleasant surprise that I hadn't expected at all!
@KDillabough Haha Kaarina! So you've got it narrowed down - you like small surprises but not big ones, unless the big one involves a trip to the Caribbean. I'm with you all the way up to the time frame. If someone were to say, "Hey! I'm taking you to the Caribbean in two months!" I'd LOVE it! Two wonderful months to prepare and anticipate!
Thanks for backing me on this. See @bdorman264 ?! Don't surprise Kaarina either, unless it's with flowers or by washing her car. And as for hugging, you'll have to ask her. There! I didn't want to be the only one on Bill's "Don't surprise" list!
Hi Lori
I like a good surprise party. The best one that I was ever involved with, was my parents 25th wedding anniversary. We held it at the cottage my Dad was in on the surprise so it was really only a surprise for my Mom . My Mom is a clean aholic so my Dad suggested they needed to go down and clean the cottage, so my Mom puts on her cleaning clothes and they head out . On the way down she is telling my dad that she can not believe that non of her 16 brothers and sisters has acknowledged their 25th . She is feeling a little gloomy as they pull into the road leading down to the cottage, she can see a large tent set up and lots of people and she comments to my Dad, look one of the neighbours is having a big party . I do not think she fully accepted the party was for her until after they got out of the car.
@johncharlesowens Wow! your mom is a loving soul to be okay with cleaning the cottage on her anniversary! I can't remember, though I was there, if you held the party on the exact date.
We surprised my parents too for their 25th. They were out of town on the date so when they returned we said we were taking them out to supper. As we drove through town to the restaurant my father mentioned something similar to what your mother did. He didn't know that while we were out all his brothers and sisters and friends were arriving at our house to surprise them.
Love surprises Lori!
Though they should not be shocking surprises!! I like to know a little about it in advance, just like you- and wait for it coming. But yes, where flowers or gifts are concerned, I love to get them out of the blue! So, do my kids :)
Similarly, whenever there is any kind of birthday party being planned for me, I would prefer it to all be a surprise, and in the same way I love giving surprises on birthdays to my husband and kids :) I feel such kinds of surprises are pleasant and something that you can look forward to without really feeling shocked at a surprise.
Thanks for sharing :)
I like that you mentioned enjoying GIVING the surprise. I REALLY like this too...and look forward to planning my husband's 50th bday surprise!
@StaceyMJHughes Well we know he's not reading the comments here - I hope! :-)
@Harleena Singh Hi Harleena! You covered all kinds of surprises here! You like receiving them and giving them. So I guess you and your family are all on the same page!
When I planned a surprise for my husband's Birthday I realized how perfectly matched we were. I enjoyed the anticipation and the planning and he relaxed and enjoyed the surprise. It was a Win Win!
And yes, surprise me with flowers any time! But about that. I just learned that you could cut branches from fruit trees in late winter, bring them inside and put them in vases of warm water and within about two weeks, they would come into blossom. This was like receiving a call from a florist (only better) and then waiting days for the blossoms to "arrive" only they are opening up before our eyes! For me it was a surprise to learn those pruned branches and wild cherry and wild plum branches could bring such early spring joy into our home and watching the process unfold is so much fun! Sorry @bdorman264 I do love anticipation. What can I say?
@Lori - Absolutely right Lori! All of us love surprises!!
Loved the idea about the branches being cut in winters, and those later blossoming into pretty flowers- This in itself is such a beautiful surprise!
I do like surprises...but I have never been surprised. I don't know whether it's because I should have worked for CSI and my whole 'PI' ability or what. But no one has ever managed to surprise me :(
I WANT a surprise party :( boohoo me right - there are real world problems out there :) hahaThe reason I think I want/like surprises is something when I KNOW something is coming up. I hype it up too much, and I get disappointed. OR I end up getting sick or a headache or something because I "THOUGHT" too much! *yes I can think too much*. heheLori - I was surprised...though I understand your enjoyment of the anticipation, I still would see you as a surprise loving person! :) Great Monday Post!
@StaceyMJHughes Hi Stacey! That's funny - you're too observant to be surprised! It's true that anticipation can lead to disappointment, but I'm a numbers girl - 10 days of anticipation and 1 day or disappointment or just one day of surprise. You do the math ;-)
I'm okay with surprises, but if I had the choice, I'd add the anticipation. Plus I'd like to have time to clean the house and fix my hair :o LOL
Could you feign surprise if you knew and didn't want the spoil the excitement of the party planners? I couldn't - not successfully. They'd know. And I'm like you - I'd "know" so there's no point in taking that risk for me!
@Lori Oh yes! I can fake being surprised with the best of them (I was a snooper for Christmas gifts (and tbh, still am :D hehe)...and I can certainly understand the whole 'anticipation', as knowing what I was getting for Christmas, didn't take away from the gift...just made me more excited for the day to GET it! :)
@StaceyMJHughes Okay so you want to have your cake and eat it too -have the surprise party but you want to know it's coming? That would work for me!
I love surprises..............good ones of course. In the insurance industry, sometimes the 'surprises' aren't so good..........:(. My wife surprised me on both of my last 'milestone' birthdays and I didn't have a clue; it was great. However, she had a milestone birthday and explicitly made sure there were no surprises. What she didn't know was that our boys were coming up from Ft Myers to have dinner w/ us and her parents. I think she liked that surprise.............
Ok, so you are not a hugger and don't like surprises; I'll have to start making a list so I'll be politically correct when we meet.........:).
I'm the go along, get along guy; I can go with the flow pretty well.
@bdorman264 Mr Party - you like surprises? Really!? Now are you going to make me explain this (who wants to be known as a non-hugger AND a non-surprise lover? Not me!) The question was, if you had a choice! Before planning a party for someone you should know that. I really didn't know if my husband would like a surprise party so checked it out before going ahead with it. Sometimes you don't know- maybe they want something small and intimate or maybe they want a lot of people around. I'm a people person and I love it when people drop in, but for the party I'd enjoy the preparation and anticipation. Put all that on your list too!
The way you surprised your wife was a good one in my books. She had a bit of both - you respected her request to not surprise her with a party but you brought to her what she really wanted. That's quite intuitive of you!
And as for that $&#^%&@# hugging thing...the other day someone hugged me so hard I nearly gasped aloud. Now I have to have my hand up - palm out when I see this guy because I really don't want a broken rib. Augh! I think with the hug thing the hug has to be commensurate with the relationship. For instance, if I met you Bill, I may not hug you the first time I saw you (or I might, I'd have to see how I felt) but likely after spending time getting to know you, I'd probably hug you goodbye. That way it means something real. Just the way I see it.
@Lori You might not hug me at first; but I'll bet you would before long......:).
I'm the 'just show up' guy. I'm just happy to be anywhere, if somebody is going to surprise me with something; then that just means I'm in the bonus round. I like to be wowed and amazed; surprise parties will do that for me.
My wife said it was the best birthday present ever.....and she was surprised.....