“Two’s company; three’s a crowd.”
I was watching one of those YouTube videos of a marriage proposal recently. I love the music and I love the dancing but I couldn’t help but think one thought: That would not work for me!
I have a few questions for the brave and optimistic people who go through the trouble to prepare the event and record it: What if she said no? What if it turned out she was a person for whom a public proposal was not appealing? What if she preferred a private proposal, just the two of them, alone, with no friends or video devices? What if the public proposal was a deal-breaker for her?
I think it’s something you’d want to find out before you hired the acting/singing/dancing troupe. Just in case. Because I know in my case, none of that would lead to an affirmative response.
I’m an extrovert but I’m also a private person. You may be thinking – Wait! What? She’s a blogger. How can she also be a private person? Allow me to amend that. When it comes to my marriage proposal I’m a private person. I prefer it to be an event with a maximum attendance of two (and it was).
Would you prefer a marriage proposal that’s a surprise, surrounded by your friends and family,recorded and uploaded onto YouTube, or a private one? Is three still a crowd?
photo credit: Mackarus
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I had to pop in on this one! I think it sounds like there is a difference for some people between having a public proposal and having said proposal broadcast online. Personally I love the public proposal (my own proposal by my husband was private). Seeing the creativity and effort placed behind a flash mob for example is so touching. Having all of your loved ones there to witness the big question can be a lot of pressure- but if your fiance knows you will say yes and so do you- the excitement can be fun. Whether or not the whole world sees this touching display on YouTube is another question. I can understand why some people think this is a bit "showy" but maybe the "I want to shout it from the rooftops" feeling is overwhelming and they want to share that love with the world! I tend to think it's cute.
@MelanieAThomp Hi Melanie! Finally someone who holds a different view weighs in! Yes, there are actually three categories: private, public, as in the company of friends and family, and broadcasting on the www! Your point: "maybe the "I want to shout it from the rooftops" feeling is overwhelming and they want to share that love with the world!" is a very good one. I hadn't thought of it that way. Thanks for that!
Latest blog post: How Innocent Are You?
What a fun post topic @Lori !! I, too, am a very private person when it comes to private issues. But, I married a fun and extremely outgoing guy. When he proposed to me 12 1/2 years ago, he had the whole thing planned. It was on New Year's Eve when we were all going to be welcoming in the year 2000. He took me on a horse drawn carriage ride in beautiful downtown Chicago. He took me to a private party at a restaurant where he was friends of the owner. During the dinner, around 10:30, a huge cake was rolled into the dining room and I leaned over to Tony and said, "hmmm someone must be celebrating a birthday or something tonight" and he just smiled and agreed. Then, the owner got up to speak and talked about a very special couple. He then asked for Claudia to come up and join him at the mic. I looked around thinking how odd it was that there was another Claudia in the room. Tony leaned over to me and said, I think he means you. And, at that moment, I knew something was going on! I became very nervous but excited at the same time. Tony took my hand and led me to the center of the room near the cake (which was a congratulatory cake) and told the sweet story of how my daughter (who is very close to Tony) told him that he should put a rock on my finger and so Tony went to a cool rock store in a town near Chicago and picked out a colorful "rock" and mounted it on a pretend gold band and he proposed to me in front off 250 people. I, of course, said yes and it's been a wild and wonderful ride ever since. We do reminisce about that night and how he really took a chance knowing how much I hate being the center of attention and how private I am. And...what if I had said "no" !! So, while I would never ever have imagined me liking that kind of a proposal, it turned out to be a memory that brings me much joy and makes for a great story to tell people ;-)
xoxo
Claudia
@SocialMediaDDS Awwwwwwwww! What a romantic story Claudia! I could picture it all as if I were there!Such timing too! The turn of the century!
I guess this goes to prove we could surprise ourselves! You wouldn't have thought you'd like a public proposal but you did.Lucky Tony!
Having enjoyed several proposals myself (that's a topic for another post!), I much prefer something in private. I would not like to have such a private moment on public display. But that's just me. I saw the proposal you are talking about, and it was impressive. The groom is in show business, so what can you expect! If it works for the people involved, then that's wonderful. Their marriage will probably last longer than mine did!
@galenpearl Well now you've got me [and anyone who read your comment] curious!I didn't realize the groom in the video was in show business. I guess she could have expected that kind of proposal then!
You capture the essence of how I feel as well with these words: "I would not like to have such a private moment on public display." :-o
@Lori I only know that because he is a local guy here, so the proposal was all over the news here with the back story.
Ugh. I think those live proposals are about the person doing them. Not about who the proposal is for and about what comes after.
I love the internet - I really do. It makes our world smaller in the nicest of ways (your blog, for instance, Lori! Wait...it's Life for instance, but I meant...well..I'm sure you know what I meant ;) but it also creates the keeping up with the Jones's syndrome.
Someone videos a proposal (for example) and it's all very cute and captures the girlfriend's surprise and it's all so sweet and loving. Someone sees the video and thinks "hey! I can do that only bigger! Better! More sparkly! More...more more!"
Ditto on the first wedding dances. I'm sure we've all seen the videos of those. The first few were cute/funny/spectacular, but after that it's just another contest to see whose video goes "viral" first.
And Lori - I disagree about extrovertism (is that a real word?! lol) being black or white. I don't think it's an either or thing. Sometimes I'm very extroverted - Sparkly! Chatty! Bubbly! Charming! Vivacious even! (do NOT roll your eyes! It's TRUE).
Other times I'm not. Not at all.
Kelli :)
@youngks Hi Kelli! Interesting point - it's about the proposer, not the proposee! Could be in many cases. Too much emphasis is usually put on the wedding rather than the marriage and now the proposals, as you say, the more creative and more viral-it-can-be proposals take the stage as well. And the first dances, dances down the aisle. Funny how easy it is to get caught up in that.
Extroversion vrs introversion in terms of getting energy from crowds or losing energy from crowds I think is a black and white thing. This is the black and white line I was referring to. You may be referring more to being out-going. That can change. Maybe the energy thing can too, when an extrovert is tired. I just know that I love being in crowds - I enjoy the energy, while my husband doesn't enjoy it at all most of the time. So which one are you - an introvert or an extrovert?
After all this, let's hope our children's wedding proposal videos don't go viral. It could happen :p
I'm with you on this one, Lori. While I admire this kind of approach and enjoyed watching the video, I don't think it's for me. I'm a "working on it" introvert (I like connecting with others, but I need "me time" eventually otherwise I'll go insane), and when it's something as powerful and important as a proposal, I would prefer for it to be in private. Afterwards I can decide if I'm going to share what happened in the moment with family and friends...or if I want to keep that for just the two of us. We'll see. But for now, private all the way!
@annedreshfield Hi Anne! I like your distinction: "Afterwards I can decide if I'm going to share what happened in the moment with family and friends...or if I want to keep that for just the two of us." I wonder if a person can change their mind about this. What if you were not into sky diving, for instance, and you met an extreme sports guy and grew to love extreme sports. I wonder if a person could change their mind about this.
@Lori Ha! Well, that depends on just how much I love the person. ;) No, in all seriousness, I think it's definitely possible. Sometimes the most important people in our lives are the ones who change us.
No one ever proposed to me, so I don't know what my answer is. ;)
Some things should be private and not held up for public display. I would think that these proposals that we see on YouTube were carefully thought out and that the person proposing took time to figure out whether the other would be ok with such a public display.
@TheJackB I'm with you Jack. I hope anyone planning this would be sure of their partner's feelings on it. How could you feel someone out on something like this, though? ;-) "Soooooooooo how do you feel about public proposals?" I guess it is up the the individuals. I wonder, though, what this says about us. We have the ability to broadcast our lives and it's so simple! Do you think this means we should be jumping on it? Just because we can?
I'm ok w/ surprises; but my wife is not. I proposed to her in private, and plus that sounds like work if I have to really be creative and bring other moving parts into the process.
Regardless, I would probably just say Yes anyway to avoid an awkward moment, but let them know very soon thereafter is yes really meant yes.
Risky business indeed.
@bdorman264 Imagine how embarrassing it would if your yes really meant no! Please try to catch her before she uploads it and it goes viral! We'd never hear about those proposals, I suppose. :-o
Experienced the private proposal over 30 years ago: don't plan on a re-do, but if I did, it would be private for this extreme extrovert. Cheers!
@KDillabough "Private for this extreme extrovert" isn't that interesting Kaarina! I am not extreme extrovert but I think extroversion is a black and white thing - you either are or you aren't. So you and I are both on the same side of the fence on this issue. What do you think sets the fence where it is? Do you think we'll find anyone who is already married to disagree with us (a nice way of saying anyone younger ;-) Do you think our preferences are set by what we are accustomed to? And if that's so, what will our grandchildren do when it comes to the proposal? :-o
@Lori I'm not sure about that, but I do think that some things are "three's a crowd", and some things are "for public consumption". It will be interesting to know if a proposal is even in existence in years to come.
@Lori doesn't much matter to me. I'm a guy. Having said that if you don't know your future spouse well enough to know whether they would like a private or public proposal you may need to think again about the timing of your nuptials. Don't you think?
@rdopping Exactly my point Ralph! It would be a sorry thing to overlook. And then there's that thing were opposites attract. What is he's "Public" and she's "private"? Often an extrovert will be attracted to an introvert so this may be an issue!
Being a guy means you get to choose (if I'm going along with the notion that only men can pop the question) but the one who gets to choose also better know what they're doing!
I know what you mean about preferring small weddings over large weddings. My first marriage had 3 people present, but I fixed the problem the second time around. Kathy and I only had two people present. Small crowds are so much better for these type of personal events.
Riley
@Rileyhar Hi Riley! I hadn't thought of this topic in terms of wedding numbers! You sure fixed your over-crowding "problem"! I was comfortable with 125 guests at my wedding, friends and family, and kids of today will become comfortable having many people at their proposals? It still depends on how private a person you are but do you think this new public-and-creative proposal thing is more of a cultural evolutionary thing?
@Lori
I can't even contemplate a public wedding proposal. The men's room in a local coffee shop has a chair in it which baffles me to no end (perhaps it's to be used as a table). I have some close friends but not that close.
HAPPY thursday! and a beautiful sunny one it is! thanks for the great post Lori...I definitely know what you mean about being an extrovert, but also enjoying some private moments of personal events. I think social media has taken a bit of that away, when people seem to forget that their facebook statuses are seen by all their 400 friends...including those elementary friends you've not seen in decades, but you enjoy 'catching' up with on FB.I do however feel that if a couple is to the point of getting engaged, that they should know one another quite well...and the proposer should very well know how much publicity the receiver may be able to enjoy/ or want? Otherwise, it SHOULD be a deal breaker, wouldn't you agree?I love PDAs (public displays of affection)...but I also think that some people can take things too far. I wouldn't want a full on proposal like this. I like my very private one...however, I definitely enjoy the world knowing that we are a couple when he takes my hand in public or praises me while we're out rock-climbing... :D
@StaceyMJHughes Hi Stacey! Happy Thursday to you too! (I love Thursdays!) You draw a good point - social media has taken away our privacy, but we've agreed to this. I think it's easy to forget about those 400 friends who are listening. We think it's just us and our close friends. I think, too, it's too easy to get carried away with what we share. Too easy.
Like knowing whether or not a person likes surprises (before throwing a surprise party) you'd have to know this whole scene was their scene to avoid embarrassment. For a few moments the girl in the video just left him on one knee holding a ring. Did you wonder if he wondered if she was ever going to say yes?
PDA's eh? ;-) That's a whole other topic. Hmm.... do I feel another GP for you coming on?
@Lori
I know I am guilty of forgetting who is on my FB sometimes, and I sometimes share too frequently or too much. I have been working hard to curb that - -- awareness is key right? :)I know I'm a bit old-fashioned (thus I would never propose, )hehe - - BUT I can't imagine the pressure men must feel...even if you feel you KNOW the answer...until you hear 'yes'... it's still maybe right? :) YOINKS!PDA's - - oh yes,,,,right up my alley... :)
I enjoy watching these videos too Lori , but this would certainly not work for me as well. I think they're over the top and a marriage is too personal to involve other people in it. I'm always afraid of what might happen if the girl is not so sure, but gets swept away by the grand gesture. I hope I do not sound cynical but I do hope these marriages are as romantic as the proposals ;)
@CorinneRodrigues Good point Corinne. The girl may not feel she has any choice but to say yes.
We're becoming a very public people, don't you think? From blogging to personal pictures/stories shared over social media and now to public marriage proposals. Do you think it's just the way of the future/of today? Or do you think we cross the line, or move the line far far from what's sensible?
@Lori
to 'butt' in..I think there has always been people who went over the top (sky-writing proposals, etc)...but nowadays, with perhaps the pressure of one-uping others...people go further and further...how much is too much?!
@StaceyMJHughes I'm not so sure, extrovert that I am, that the skywriting would have done it for me either. I wouldn't even share the story of my proposal in a blog post. You're right - we all draw the line at different places. Definitely, this is a guest post for you!
@Lori
personally even the skywriting would have been too much for me :D and I'm on the extreme side of extrovert & PDA's...haha - so what does that tell you? even those of us who share an IMMENSE amount of ourselves & our personal lives...still have boundaries....Boundaries are good...keep society in check and some private things should always & forever be private...tell the STORY of the proposal...let people imagine the amazingness of it all...
@StaceyMJHughes True- skywriting proposals have happened in the past. The difference today is the person doing that can record it and upload it seconds after she says "Yes!" How much is too much? Do we each get to decide? Is this yet another thing we need to "read" in one another like hugging, personal space, etc.?
How much do you think is too much Stacey?
@Lori Yes, it is ironic that at many levels intimacy is decreasing in our interactions, but we're ready to tell it all on Facebook and our blogs. I think we need to draw the line somewhere - each one for themselves - and know what to it okay to share and what is not. What do you feel?
@CorinneRodrigues Oh, I see, and I agree. So true! First it was small things - like "call waiting" but now there are so many interruptions we allow. What does this say about us and where we're going?
@Lori I mean in our family relationships we don't always spend the time we should - or allow the telephone and our various gadgets to interrupt our conversations. Also, I find that in general the quality of friendships seem to have depreciated in to more superficial connections. Am I making sense?
@CorinneRodrigues I agree we need to draw the line and as in everything in life, we'll all have drawn them at different places!
What do you mean, "at many levels intimacy is decreasing in our interactions"?