First of all – ewww! Don’t put money in your mouth – you don’t know where that money has been!
Now that we’ve cleared that up, let me phrase the question in a few more ways. Do you stand for what you say you believe? Do you walk the walk and not just talk the talk? Do you practice what you preach? (Do you notice we have a lot of ways to say this? Why is that?)
This morning I received an email notification that a comment was placed on a blog post where I had commented recently. The visitor was clearly not impressed with the advice in the article and took a few moments to express her feelings. It wasn’t pretty. The visitor indicated that she felt the author was full of *%^#; inexperienced, out of touch with the real world, immature.
I clicked through to the blog see how the author had responded to the comment but it was missing from the stream. The author had deleted the comment.
This is where the irony enters. The article was about how we should not be concerned about receiving the approval of others. Here was an opportunity to demonstrate what he had just written about but he chose not to deal with it.
I had to ask myself; would I have deleted a comment which challenged me in this way? I’ve never faced this situation and I’m sure it isn’t because nobody thought my articles were full of *%^#, but only that no one has ever mentioned it. When I look at the articles I had prepared this summer, before my son died, I know what “full of *%^#” looks like. Heaven help me; maybe ALL my pre-August 17th articles were full of *%^# and I’ve been surrounded with people too polite to point it out to me.
How would you handle a negative or challenging comment on your blog or a statement about your actions as they relate to your professed beliefs? Have you ever been challenged to put your money where your mouth is? What did you do?
photo credit: Pavel Ahmed
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HI Lori,
I've had a few of those moments in my blogging life :) I don't delete the comments because I don't think it would help the cause of whatever it is we decide to write about. But I won't lie my ego doesn't enjoy negativity - so I guess it's at that point when you decide whether or not what you're standing for is more important than yourself ;) Thanks for the great post - very insightful. xxx
@AndreaNaomi777 Kudos to you Andrea for admitting to and recognizing the ego's role in our decision to delete or not to delete! ;-) and for your conclusion that the decision shouldn't be made by the ego but by the beliefs we stand for. Well said!
Welcome to Life, for instance Andrea! Come back on Monday, okay? I have something exciting to share and I'd like to hear what you think about it!
@Lori Thanks I really enjoyed your post. I'll definitely be back on Monday. I hope you have a wonderful weekend :)
Hi Lori,
I might have been trolled once, I don't know, as I responded giving the person the benefit of the doubt--perhaps I killed with kindness.
As Dale Carnegie said, "No one kicks a dead dog": I'm not important enough to be trolled, I guess.
I think I would leave it up if I was giving the comment corrective feedback, AND not letting other readers feel degraded just to read the troll's comment.
The key to feedback is intention, and for that my role model is Roger Ebert. His replies seem so classy because he is not defensive whatsoever, nor trying to hurt or counter attack. He just points stuff out, super-briefly, as calmly as a social worker or court judge. I think sometimes there is a middle ground between nurture and abuse, and it is in that middle that he replies.
Hi Sean! Killing the negative comment with kindness is a good idea. It's true, isn't it, that when you squeeze a lemon you don't get orange juice; negativity and anger and fear come out so that's what's inside.I like Roger Ebert's response - to not be defensive. When you're feeling defensive (which is probably a knee-jerk response to a negative comment) you're not thinking clearly so no good can come of that.
What do you do (has it ever happened) when someone calls you on something you said and you realize they are right and feel foolish because you hadn't seen it? Maybe you'd have to have been in that situation to be able to answer that?
Some people just feed on drama. Being a blogger opens you up to more of them that usual. Negativity can be a window into you're own position, or into the other person. It doesn't take long to realize whether it is a lesson or o need for attention. I think you always write from a genuine place...protective can change when out lives change.
@dshort2010 Good point Dawn! What a great place to enact a drama too! Augh - we ask for it then! We can learn something from the negative as well as from the positive, perhaps more!
Thank you for your kind words. I think we all write from a genuine place but for me, what happened has changed the way I look at so many things. They're less polyannish, more real. It's easy to say, "Buck up!" when your own problems are small but when you've faced something more "real" you're not so quick to spew platitudes. No one is full of $**t so much as not so full of LIFE yet.
Naaaaaa, you not full of $**t @Lori but you are full of l**e.
If you are going to be bold and take a stand then you have to expect something in return. Personally, I think deleting nasty comments is weak. Sure, the person may just be angry but they have their right to comment and you have the right to rebut. Put your money where your mouth is.
In my day job working in an Architecture firm we are always put on the spot. If I say something in that environment i need to be able to back it up and if i can't i get shot down. It's like that with any business. Put up or shut up. Simple reality of the business world. No one is going to stand for any BS. The blogger you are talking about might have had their reasons for not commenting but they have to be aware that they can lose some credibility by hiding from negative comments.
Great post as always. Cheers!
Latest blog post: How do you design for a business that is in constant flux?
@rdopping Hi Ralph! I wondered if anyone was going to say that ;-) Okay, you said it and I'm still here! LOL
Yes, I had a feeling you were a put-your-money-where-your-mouth-is kinda guy. It isn't easy but somebody's got to do it!
The stand I take here if on community, which means all opinions are welcome. I agree with you (though you're full of l**e too!) that the blogger lost credibility by deleting that comment. Now when I arrive at his blog I never know if I'm seeing all the thoughts on the issue, or just the positive, affirming ones.
@Lori Such is life. I can choose to only tell you the good stories about my life too. It doesn't much matter to me unless you are a friend in which case it concerns me when the truth is hidden. Anyway, no one is perfect so if the dude chooses safety over credibility so be it. Who am to judge?
Latest blog post: How do you design for a business that is in constant flux?
Hi Lori....Until I was attacked by a "troll" I was more sensitive about hurtful comments on my blog or any other comment I made on other sites. In fact, I didn't even know what the word "troll" was...or the phrase..." being flamed" even meant. What happened is a while back I received an extremely rude and vicious comment to one of my blog posts....in fact, the comment was so off topic it was almost as though the commenter hadn't even read the entire post. I answered very carefully, without anger or defensiveness, and the answer to my response came back even more vicious. It took me a while and I did a lot of "internal" work before I answered his second comment--and his response to me was increasing aggressive. I was floored. The good news is I had the sense to start realizing at that point that it wasn't about me at all....oh sure, that's easy for us to say but it wasn't easy when it was my writing!!! Then I went online and happened to google such activity--that's when I came across the terms troll and flaming. Apparently there are a number of people on the internet that make trolling and flaming a sport. And guess what, there primary game is to get people to "play." I fell guilty thinking he was wanting to connect--when all he was doing was baiting me. What a valuable GIFT. Honestly, since that time I've had a number of people make rude comments and I so get that it is not about me at all. Take the comment off--leave it on--it doesn't really matter. It's NOT about us (only the way we respond is about us!) So sorry this is so long but I have honestly been so free from comments since that time that I really wanted to share that perspective.
@KathyGott Hi Kathy! "Being flamed"? I never heard of this! This is a sport!? Aw! Really?
It's hard not to feel foolish but how could you know before you know? We go through this with "orders" for our Terra Cotta Pendants business. There are a lot of scams going on but you have to play along for a bit to be sure it IS a scam. I hate that it wastes my time and I'm getting better at recognizing a scam at the first email (for instance when they order 100 each of 3 pf the 12 zodiac designs ???) Some people have too much time on their hands!
Don't you find that nothing is EVER about you anyway (not you, "you"!) People's nasty comments are usually coming from a place of fear or woundedness. Why would someone do it otherwise? The truly evolved person wouldn't do that. I'm glad you made the trolls go away!
Welcome to Life, for instance Kathy!
@Lori @KathyGott Hi again Lori...I've been reading everyone else's responses and am fascinated that so many people think you have to leave all the comments on your blog or other sites--just to be open to other people's way of seeing things. Or that you're "weak" if you do that? WT#$%? Honestly, there is a speaker I heard years ago that said something like, "If someone walked into your house with a pail of garbage and dumped it on the floor....would you just leave it there to be polite? No, you'd clean it right up and never let that person back in your home again" (at least I wouldn't)! Why on EARTH would you let someone rant on your blog or page with garbage and not clean it up. Of course if your blog/website is about that sort of thing--but my blog and FB page are a message of possibility and inspiration--and I don't allow garbage there! Besides, most of us women need to stop being so "nice" and accommodating to others all the time trying to get them to "like" us. I don't need garbage in my mind or on my page.... I'm just sayin....
@gottgreen @AngieDixon @KathyGott Those are the best topics - the ones with a lot of different viewpoints!
You're hit on what's probably the most important point - the blogger (or the person) finding their voice! It's about integrity and standing behind what you say you believe. Not easy, but,as you said, a part of the journey.
I think the only way we get there is by being ourselves. It's too hard to keep up an act for long. People notice when you're just talking the talk but not walking the walk.
@Lori @AngieDixon @KathyGott Clearly this is an interesting topic with several viewpoints. Thanks for raising the question and letting it unfold. I think one of the biggest challenges as a writer/blogger is finding our own voice and then being willing to stand behind it...how we get there is just part of the journey.
@AngieDixon @gottgreen @KathyGott By all means remove spam! And let's all play nice, right!? This creativity blog sounds - er - interesting Angie. :o
@gottgreen @KathyGott Hi! I don't think I'd allow garbage to be dumped here. I'm talking more about a challenge to the blogger's integrity. In the case I mentioned, the blogger wrote about how it is important not to be affected by someone's negative opinion of you, and yet he chose not to face one such opinion. It did have the#$^% word, but some people use that word in their posts! I wouldn't let someone come in and wreck the place nor trash the others here.
I agree that we women need to be less "nice" when the situation calls for it.
Thanks for coming back and expressing this!
@gottgreen @Lori @KathyGott Thanks so much for this comment on not "having" to leave comments. I wanted to say more, but thought I was talking too much. Here's something else to consider. One reason I have decided to take down comments that are spam, don't contribute to the conversation or are abusive is that I have guests. I don't want my guests treated that way any more than I want to be treated that way. I visited a blog a couple of days ago. It is highly regarded in the creativity field and I was excited to check it out, but the blogger doesn't moderate comments AT ALL. People were calling each other names and shouting at each other and cursing each other out. I won't visit again, because that's not how you treat guests. You treat them with respect, and respect includes keeping your house clean and not allowing that kind of garbage.
Hi Lori,
I think you're being too hard on yourself personally. I'm sure that you are questioning a lot of things now that took place before Alex passed on. You are the same person but just with a really empty place in your heart now. We still think you're awesome.
I haven't had a nasty comment on my blog "yet". I have been bashed in a blog post though. Someone I didn't even know, have never had any contact with took it upon himself to bash me in a post. He got mad at me because I didn't follow him on Twitter the same day he followed me. Yeah, can you imagine! He called me unsociable. Please!!!
Oh and he closed his comments and left me no way to reply. He didn't even have a contact form on his blog as well as no Facebook account. Luckily for me some of my friends came to my rescue and they were appalled by his actions and he was kicked out of a few sites and groups because no one wanted anything to do with him after he pulled that. Doesn't even give you a way to defend yourself so I was kind of glad that I couldn't comment because I was so upset I probably would have let him have it.
That was over a year ago now and so far, all's been pretty darn good on that front. I'm hoping it stays that way.
Hope you're doing well Lori!
~Adrienne
@AdrienneSmith Hi Adrienne,
That sounds like an unpleasant experience! :o I love how your friends came to your rescue! Sometimes the best action is no action. My mother used to say, when someone says something offensive, ask them to repeat it. Surprisingly effective!
Nice to see you Adrienne!
Hi Lori, I've only had to delete a set of comments on one particular blog post since blogging. Unfortunately, I felt the reader didn't add anything to the post, there was no positive or negative feedback. Which I happen to welcome on any of the content posted on my site. However, this gent gave neither... he did however managed to tell readers how he had written a "better explanation" on the post, on his site. I felt that was rude and extremely unprofessional. So I asked him, was this something I or my readers should come to expect from him. The direction it took afterward validated my decision to delete the comments altogether. While I think I have a pretty thick skin when it comes to criticism... I don't particularly care for my website to be someone else's billboard to obtain readers. At the very least, if they're going to do something of this nature, they could camouflage it with something more relevant than, "Come see me over on my site." :D So things are just inexcusable, in my book.
@Deone Higgs Deone, I'm with you. On my old blog, I deleted anything that didn't add to the conversation. Usually these were posts like, "Very good information" or "I love your blog." I consider those posts spam, and I delete spam. I would also delete something like what you described. I want to keep the room full of civility and free of nastiness, but I also want it to be clean, and free of spam, so that my readers who value the community don't have to step over piles of spam to get to the real comments.
@AngieDixon @Deone Higgs It's a nasty thing to have to step over spam ;-)
@Deone Higgs Ouch! Not nice Deone! I agree with you- he should draw his own following if he wants to get up on a soapbox. That's just not thoughtful. Maybe the Golden Rule might be employed here - or maybe ;-) you could have followed him to his place and invited his readers back to your place LOL No, I admire the process you went through which lead to a deleting of his comment.
Nice to see you here Deone!
Hi, Lori, may I say something regarding the before August 17 posts: they are of the same standard as the ones after! Insightful and thoughtful and always conductive to wonderful discussions.
I have never had to deal with an abusive comment, so this will be very theoretical: I have had stupid comments or those clever ones wanting to spread the gospel about their products. I always thank them politely but do not ask them to come back, no red carpet treatment for them. At least they were trying to do something.
I would only delete comments of a racist, anti religious or other derogatory nature, I do not tolerate such speech in my house IRL so why should I accept on my blog. My blog is my castle!
Latest blog post: A Concept Of Time
@Late_Bloomers 'My blog is my castle!" Well said! LOL Barbara! You've never had to defend your castle? That's good but these muscles are untested, aren't they? (Mine too) That's a good rule of thumb, not accepting on your blog - er, in your castle, what you wouldn't accept in your home. No nasty manners here please! Keep it clean :-)
Hi Lori
Lucky for you that you are such a nice person as a result of that leadership that tone you have been blessed with an abundance of thoughtfully nice people.
One thing is for sure you have to guard your mind from interpreting what someone is saying in a negative way especially in a medium like this. When their is no face to face communication to help dis cipher the message.
I am glad that know one is cumming right out and saying that you are #%$@$ which is pretty much name calling kinder garden behavior.
Their are lot of different opinions on this blog and we would all like to be respected for our opinions . However since I believe you are on a quest for knowledge as well as community it does know one a service when you hold back your thoughtful opinion that differs with what someone has written. I think that the majority of your community enjoy the differences in thought and understand when people are passionate about their point of view. It is hard to swallow when someone basically tells you that you are wrong rather then stating their opinion. Why do I have to be wrong for them to be right .
I know for sure I love talking to people that are genuinely open to the truth. Pursuing the truth is one of the great adventures in life and you can not get their by yourself, someone has to point out the hidden places in our minds.
Proverbs 9:8-9
New King James Version (NKJV)
8 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you. 9 Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.
Proverbs 15
New King James Version (NKJV)
15 A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.
Love you Lori
@johncharlesowens John I love this: "Why do I have to be wrong for them to be right ."
So true! An opinion is an opinion - who's to say what's right and what is wrong?
Hi Lori,
If it’s legitimate input, leave the comment. It will help you grow in many different ways.
It doesn't mean you have to agree, it just means you respect the thoughts and opinions of others.
People who desire to grow and improve are open to receive constructive criticism.
Be thankful, learn and move on.
On the other hand;
If it’s from a complete mindless jack a_s with no rhyme or reason or good intention, remove it - it doesn't add anything to the topic of discussion and it certainly won't help anybody in the community.
It's just hot air and a waste of good space.
@Mark_Harai Hi Mark! So you take time to consider each negative comment. Do you have experience in this ;-)
We haven't mentioned yet that someone could provide negative feedback via email! Funny thing about constructive criticism; when it comes uninvited, it often doesn't feel constructive. In the case I referred to, it felt like the lady had had a bad day/week/year and really let it all out at the blogger. That couldn't have been pleasant. I didn't want to reprint the actual comment because I wanted to preserve his privacy, but I know it would have been a hard one to swallow. Who knows, maybe that's what he's doing now. Maybe it changed his life!
But criticism that is expressed for the sake of expressing a different view is another story. I guess what's important is the bottom line - the reason for the blog, the post. This should determine your course of action, right? So again, have you ever had to deal with a negative comment?
@Lori Hi Lori, I have not had to deal with much negativity at all actually.
But I did once... and it stemmed out of my own ignorance using a word to describe 'slow' that I should have known better than to use.
No harm intended, but it did offend a couple of ladies who made it very clear it was not an appropriate word to use.
I apologized and have not used that word since. Live and learn.
But, I have been doing business for many years and there are times you have to deal with an angry customers, some of which are unreasonable and, others where you could have done better.
I was taught growing up in my parents businesses that the customer always comes first and you go the extra mile to deliver the best you can.
So that would be my attitude with my blogging activities.
I just have very little tolerance for idiots and I've been very lucky (up to this point) to not have had to deal with any.
I see you workin' the community, Lori - good stuff : )
Thanks so much for this. I've been thinking about this very thing for over a week now. On election day, a candidate's husband did something, publicly, that bothered me a lot, and I changed my vote. What he did was technically legal but felt it was wrong. On her Facebook Page, I explained what happened, and very politely and without any negative tone said, "I'm sorry, but this influenced my vote." My point was that it was still only 8 a.m. and she could choose to not do that, because it had influenced at least half a dozen votes that I knew of.
She chose, rather than addressing the problem, to delete my comment.
I had to think about, what would I do?
Here's what I came up with. I won't be abused, called names or cursed out, but I will respond to negative comments. If a comment is negative but civil, I'll leave it and reply to it. If it's negative and not civil, I'll create a new comment quoting part of the comment, paraphrasing the rest, and responding to it.
I won't ignore criticism, but I also have boiled my comment policy down to this: If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, you can't say it here. And if I wouldn't say it to my best friend, it can't stay here. The opinion is welcome, but abuse is not. I would find a way to respond to the opinion without allowing the abusive language. And that goes for abusive language toward others, as well.
@AngieDixon Hi Angie! Thanks for offering the perspective of someone who placed a non-positive (though politely-worded) comment - and got deleted! I can imagine how frustrating that must have been! Did you feel ignored? And why was it deleted? Because you shared something that wasn't what they wanted to hear?
This is a great policy that you developed because of it. I especially love how you thought of paraphrasing some of it so it could be addressed minus the non-civil parts - brilliant!
I'm with you on the abusive language. Perhaps the author I mentioned could have "paraphrased" "*%^#" as I did ;-) Then he might have responded but I'm thinking it was more than that one word which bothered him.
I also have to wonder if the deleting of a negative comment happens sort of as a knee-jerk reaction, and that maybe after they have time to think about it, they might wish they'd handled it differently. This means it is a good idea to have a plan in place as you now do.
Thanks for sharing it Angie!
Welcome to Life, for instance!
@Lori Hi, Lori.
Yes, I definitely felt ignored, and a little, not angry, but frustrated.
I didn't get a notice that it was or why it was deleted, so I'm not sure what the justification was. It just disappeared without any contact.
Because of that, though, I feel that my initial inclination was correct. That inclination was that she doesn't have the kind of judgment I expect from someone running for juvenile court judge.
I may be completely wrong. I hope I am wrong, because she won. But when she runs for reelection, I'll be more likely to scrutinize her record and consider voting for her opponent. I'll be less likely to overlook things that I otherwise might have seen as glitches.
I'm really just starting as a "real" blogger. I'm rebooting my blog and it launches in January. But I have used this incident to think about how all of our actions affect how we're seen.
It's not that I want to be seen a certain positive way, but more that I want to be seen for who I believe I am and try to be.
Blogs are private property. The blogger has the right to treat comments however they want. But I think it's important to consider how you want to handle something, before it happens.
I'm glad I realized that before launching my blog.
@AngieDixon You felt ignored. Augh! Not a very good feeling to inspire in a voter! And aren't you wise to think about these things and make a plan before rebooting your blog. I agree that a blogger's blog is their property. So we "decorate " the property the way we want, set the tone and hope that positive, uplifting people will come. Still, I think each incident like this needs to be scrutinized before we take action. Sometimes just stepping away and thinking about what to do is the best thing to do!
What is worse? Having to defend yourself from what others have said about you (or your company) when they do not even know you?
This happened to us a few years ago. Our business was - blasted - by folks that didn't even know who we were or what we did. They didn't even know us, our products or livelihood.
But to "set the record straight" we took every comment they had made and gave them the 'correct' information. Hearsay can be very damaging to individuals or businesses.
Writing can be difficult in the first place - conveying our message -in our heads may not always come across the way we intended it to.
Personally - do not attack them back - but set the record straight - explain it in different words - help them to understand. Almost always they will 'stand down' and apologize - as they crawl back into the dark hole they had appeared from.
~Penny
@PennyKeay So, you killed them with kindness, as they say. Yes, very often people are just spouting off without much thought or reason behind what they say. Some people are just punchy! It would seem to me you took the right approach, ignoring it would leave people hanging and wondering if those accusations just might not be true! (lol, "as they crawl back into the dark hole they had appeared from.")
@Carmelo
Pretty much. Being kind usually pays much bigger rewards. Gains much more respect and shows others that you really are human - not a 'creature from the lands below"! lol
@PennyKeay @Carmelo Wow - good for you Penny! I like that - setting the record straight. That can be (and evidently was) done with kindness.
Good morning @Lori ! What a great morning to sit on the porch with my cup of coffee (yes, it's coffee this morning...not tea) The topic in today's beautiful post is SO appropriate to what I was thinking about this morning as I was getting ready. Before I begin though, please put any thoughts that your posts before August 17th were full of *&%(&....think of it this way....if that were true (and it is NOT) that means that there are a whole bunch of us community members who either don't recognize *&^&% when we see it or are too disingenuous to point it out....NONE of which is true ;-) Your posts have been consistently insightful, thoughtful and thought provoking...a joy to look forward to when they land in my inbox!
What I was thinking this morning is how much I struggle with consistently living the life that I so deeply know is right. I wouldn't say that I don't walk the walk because that is what I TRY to do...but it is also where I slip so often. In one of your comments very recently (can't remember which post it was on) you recommended Byron Katie. I had never heard of her and you seemed to put a lot of weight on how she had moved you so I went to visit http://thework.com and I was captivated. I began to read some of her downloadable material and found myself nodding in agreement with almost everything she said. My thoughts this morning made me realize how hard it is for me to "live" those words....I BELIEVE them, but it takes SO much mindfulness to constantly LIVE them that I fail. I look at someone like Byron Katie and I am in awe of her apparent ability to really live the life she talks about...she walks the walk. I have so much more work to do in attaining that level of living.
In regards to the negative comment (and the irony of that post's topic is too funny)...I firmly believe that negative input is very important in our growth, our awareness and our evolution....without a little sand to irritate us, how can we create the pearls?
Thank you for yet another GREAT post my friend ;-)
xoxox
Claudia
@SocialMediaDDS Hi Claud! Thanks for your kind remarks about my former posts. It could just be that you are not looking at me through the eyes of judgement. Funny how easy it is to proffer that to someone else and not to ourselves!
We're all slipping on the walk. That's not important - what's important is that we're still on the path. It it were easy, well, we'd all be hugely enlightened beings. I know I'm a long way from that yet! :o
Byron Katie's stuff is wonderful I noticed she even has an App for the Work! What I enjoyed most is watching her in action via her You Tube Videos. There are plenty of them. She's quite amazing!
Yes, we all need negative feedback but how many of us are good at handling it? I was afraid someone would see this post as a challenge (yes - "afraid"!!) and really tell me how they feel. Could still happen :-) I think I'm (like you) my fiercest critic.
In the blogging context, I've seen quite a few that have ongoing arguments, sometimes not at all in good taste. Okay they fight.:-)
Negative comments are fine, so long as they're polite without hurting people. After all, differing viewpoints make for interesting conversation. And sometimes, I think we learn from various perceptions.
Your posts, Lori, have always been thought provoking and I've enjoyed reading the comments as much as the post itself. I admire you for that.
:D
@Vidya Sury We do learn from the various perceptions Vidz! Imagine how boring it would be if we all agreed! But I'm with you - kindness is essential. Have you ever had to deal with an unkind comment either at your place or at another place?
@Lori Yes. I had posted about a particular event and this commenter (naturally anonymous :D) was quite acidic about how bloggers are gullible and unoriginal and post stupid email forwards. The fun part was, what I posted was a true incident. So I just thanked him / her for the comment and let it go at that. Another time, in a post about nagging - I had people disagreeing , but basically saying they could never survive without doing it. :-) That was fun and we took the conversation offline quickly as a couple of people emailed. I get a lot of email comments.
@Vidya Sury My hat is off to you. Great handling of two sticky situations! I guess we need to remember that the negativity is in them, not in us. We set forth with the best of intentions? That's to be applauded, not criticized.
Well, I had never met you before but I can't imagine your posts were full of *#%%$! You certainly are surrounded by great people here (with one exception - I won't name me, errr, him specifically) and there's no way you could have built such a great community with bad $#*%*.
There have to be occasions where a delete is warranted but unless the comment was profane or unduly abusive it would have been a huge opportunity for the author to make his point! And to your last question, i'm too new to have received anything like that yet. I'd like to think I'd be open to it and not run and hide.
@Carmelo So we both speak about theory without any experience to back it up :o Do you think the Intention to deal with it rather than avoid it is a good thing? I think we need to know what the goals of the blog are. For me it's community building which means all opinions are valid, even if I don't agree with them or like them. Still, kindness is a good thing. One can disagree nicely, right?
@Lori That would be my strategy too. But, there are definitely other approaches. One theory (proven by some) is that you can build a community faster by being contentious and even rude. Controversy is attractive. But, then that would have to be "who you are" because maintaining that kind of approach would be difficult for someone like you ... or me!
That said, would you ever find a time to be a bit contentious in your disagreement ... just because you strongly disagree? and even if the comment was genuine and not mean-spirited? (gee, did I ask that right? lol, a bit convoluted, huh?)
@Carmelo Good advice Carmelo!
@Lori I would say no, don't delete (unless it's unduly profane.) The vast majority of your community will see it as it is. Perhaps make one kind reply and leave it at that. Only if the comment jerk keeps commenting would I possibly delete them because then, it becomes a distraction from the conversation other's are having.
@Carmelo I believe we can strongly disagree without being contentious. Sometimes what we are disagreeing with has to do with a lack of experience. How can you fault someone for that when we are all at different places on that spectrum? As I said in the post, I cringed to see what I had prepared for August and September. All of the posts have been deleted or completely revised and what I've been publishing lately is all stuff I've written lately.
So how do you respond to a mean-spirited comment? How DO you respond to a mean-spirited comment? I'd like to think someone else couldn't make me mean-spirited. But do you delete it - that's the question.