Melanie is a mom of an eight-month old, adorable (and the fact he’s my great nephew has nothing to do with my saying this) little boy. Becoming a mother has caused her to look at the world differently. You can follow her personal journey here. Today Melanie gives us a look into her world as she seeks to look through the eyes of a child.
Children see the world differently than adults. Have you ever taken the time to look at some children’s drawings? Children draw what they see- unedited. I am so excited to see some of the drawings my son will create when he gets older. As I think about this I also ask myself how he will draw me!
Would I always have a camera, phone or computer in front of my face? Would I be smiling, laughing or frustrated? What would I be doing? More importantly I ask myself what I want him to draw.
I think he would draw me with a purple square in my hand (my iPhone with its purple case) because I’m always snapping pictures of him with it. I think I would have a huge grin on my face because I’m always making smiley faces at him. I hope that I wouldn’t be watching TV or on my computer. I hope that I would be playing with his blocks with him.
Each day I feel like it’s important to think about this because each day I’m developing a relationship with him that I want to be a good one. I want him to see me having fun hanging out with him, smiling, joyful and present. This doesn’t apply to just my son, but also my husband and family. I want to make time to be present with them completely in the moments we are together. I want them to see me as joyful, loving and fun!
A drawing is not a picture, it is how the artist perceives you. It takes everything about you into account and pulls out those they think are most relevant. It’s the difference between “Mommy yells all the time.” And, “Mommy yelled once yesterday but I would still draw her with a smile.”
If a child (yours if you have one!) drew you, how would you be depicted? Would you be happy with their depiction? How do you want to be drawn?
photo credit: RISD Museum
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I love the way kids help us to see the world through fresh eyes. They don't yet have the filters of convention or social expectations. I came across a great quote recently: 'Some people live their whole lives on default settings, never realizing that you can customize.' Those fresh comments can remind us to adjust those life settings.
I agree - they don't have the filters until they do :-( Maybe this is why it's so nice to be around young children!
Welcome to Life, for instance Jane!
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Jane, this is exactly what I was thinking - it's all about that fresh perspective that they simply can't help bringing! What an excellent reminder @MelanieAThomp !
Gosh, children can be painfully honest, can't they? They sure can tell us how the world sees us. It's scary sometimes. I solved this problem by not allowing them to draw. (Kiddinggg!)
As an extension your thought, it's interesting to hear your adult children tell you some things they thought about you when they were young children ... that's another indication of how the world sees you, albeit a bit late! :-) I'm lucky that my "kids" are kind and tactful, ha!
@Carmelo Children are definitely honest! It's good and bad isn't it? I wonder if adult children can really provide the same insight? They have had lots of time to rationalize things and interpret it with adult eyes. I guess it kind of ties back to @Lori 's point of seeing the world through a child's eyes... can adults really do that?
@MelanieAThomp @Lori Yes, that was the point of your post and a good one! Children don't have the filters built that they develop over time. Another good thing to think about is how we react to what our children draw. If we allow them and encourage them to express without judgment or negative reactions, maybe they won't develop as many filters and restrictions. Something to think about?
As to my kids comments now, it's very interesting. It only happens on rare occasions but it's very insightful when something slips out about how they felt as children. At those times, we as parents get a glimpse of ourselves as they openly recall things through their unfiltered vision. They are recalling and relaying emotions as they were back when they were more pure. It can be shocking at times! ;-)
I'm really supporting your notion Melanie ... and I love that you're being so aware! You're going to do great as a mom! :-)
@Carmelo @Lori Such a great point about our reaction to the drawings! And it's also really cool that you are getting insight into some of the things your kids thought when they were young. It must be so fun when that happens! :) I hope that being aware will be helpful! Thank you so much for your kind words!
Hey Melanie, Thanks for posing such an interesting question (hmm... it's suspiciously quiet around her ;-)
I remember a friend said to me once that all he could remember of his mother was seeing the back of her head. She was busy doing for her kids, but not busy enough being with them. This stayed with me.
When the kids were small I was doing calligraphy and many times I wrote up a poem which, in essence said, "my hands were busy...I wish I could go back and do the little things you asked me to." That, too, made a lasting impression on me, especially since it was hanging on my wall.
Kids don't tell you when they are young how they see you so it's hard to know. When my kids were in kindergarden the teacher helped them make Mother's Day cards by interviewing them and writing down what they said. This was an eye-opener.
It's so important to see the world through the chids-eye view. The impressions you are making can change the world at large, not just the world of your children.
Do you hold this awareness all the time? How do you do that?
@Lori It's so hard to hold this awareness all of the time, but constantly reminding myself as often as I can and spending very deliberate time each day I think helps. I guess I will only know when he draws me one day ;) Seeing the world through a child's eve view is a different perspective too- but I think it still comes back to our perspective of what a child might see but with all our adult biases. I question whether that's even possible... is it? To see the world through a child's eyes? Do you think you can?
@MelanieAThomp I don't know if you can see the world through a child's eye unless either you can remember this stage of life or they can tell you.Maybe the way to approach it is to determine what you want your child to remember as you did, and keep that in mind. It's easy to get caught up with work and keeping a neat house, but these things don't matter to a child, do they?
There was another poem I had on the wall in my kitchen when the kids were small. It talked about the dust in the house and ended like this: "But I sat down with the children and we played and laughed and read so if the doorbell doesn't shine, their eyes will shine instead." I never quite got the shinny doorbell part, but you get the idea! Having these poems on my wall kept me as aware as I could be of what was important. The children were.
@Lori I love that poem! I know it well... it really is a perfect reminder isn't it? It's so easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day cleaning and housework, but, like you said that's not the most important part!