Twice this question arose in my life recently. The first time was when I somehow came upon Viktor Frankl’s book: Man’s Search for Meaning; the second time was in church. The priest, who cited Frankl’s book, said that we can survive the loss of many things in life, love included, but the one thing we cannot live without is a sense of meaning.
Not too long ago I would have said it was my family that gave my life meaning – watching the children grow and anticipating the years when I hold their children in my arms, but I now recognize that to be a precarious answer to the question. Shouldn’t my meaning relate to a sort of mission I have that no one and nothing can take away from me?
I’ve wondered if it is my passion for writing which gives my life meaning. I love to write and I plan to write a few more books in the coming years. There is one book I’ve had in mind to write since 2002, but it’s still not the right time to write it. For now, I pour all my writing energy into this blog. But what if the LFI porch burned to the ground? Would my meaning disappear with it? What if it’s never the right time to write my 2002 book? Would all that render my life meaningless?
To say that I’ve been more than a little lost lately is an understatement. My whole sense of what gave my life meaning was shattered on August 17th. And I have to rectify this.
So I’m turning to you Dear LFI community member. Consider this my question.
What gives your life meaning? Have you ever lost it? How did you find it again?
photo credit: Richard Gillin
Article by 
My wife's meatballs!
Great design! http://www.modernfurniture.com.cn/2006/images/Eero-Saarinen-Saarinen-Tulip-Armchair_3.jpg
A three piece jazz band and really good blues rock! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vduX3Tup1OQ&list=UUBRYpOHA1eoi04A6ikFg5Xw&feature=player_detailpage
Aaaaaand my ability to create things that give me pleasure.......
I am being a goofball and sure I have been down in the dumps before. I seem to get over things quickly but then again I haven't really been tested so how can I say. Maybe I have been lucky but there really hasn't been anything particular. I just don't take it all so seriously and like I said I haven't been tested so I suppose I am not the best guy to answer this question.....er, I'll just be quiet now....here I am. Over here. Being quiet.......grin.
Cheers miss. I do hope you are doing better. :-)
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@rdopping Ah be quiet Ralph ;-) No, seriously, I like the way you like at life. Your wife's meatballs must be pretty awesome! And you must create some cool things!
Do you play in a jazz band? (That would be cool!) S'okay that you haven't been tested. Those of us who have need a goofball to distract us.
:-)
Latest blog post: Dear LFI: How Do I Deal With My Fear?
Hi Lori! I know the conversation has moved on, but this is such an important topic and I'm so passionate about the importance of finding and creating meaning in our lives, that I just had to jump in and share my thoughts ... even if they only land on your ears!
I believe there are three ways to add meaning to life. One is to do meaningful things (LFI, writing, family, music, service, a profession, parenthood, for example). Another way to create meaning is by seeing the meaning behind other things (growth in pain, patience in enduring a trial, etc.). And finally, there is life's inherent meaning (personal growth, character development, faith and values, seeking the eternal).
So our lives at any giving moment can be deeply meaningful even if some of that meaning dries up a bit because of life changes, reevaluations, tragedy and the like. The reason is that meaning is spread so broadly, no matter what aspect of those things that have been sources of meaning and purpose in our lives is suddenly gone, so much more of life has been infused with meaning that there remains the underlying foundation of meaning that sustains us when other parts have become fragile and uncertain.
@Ken Wert So glad you came by Ken! Three ways (THREE!?!) to find meaning in life :-) - doing meaningful things, seeing meaning behind (sometimes painful) things and life's inherent meaning (sorry - I just had to recap them for myself!)
From this I see that our definition of "what gives life meaning" , at least mine, has been way too narrow. This makes me think of the man who retires, feels his life has lost meaning, and dies. I see now how important it is to see the meaning in all parts of our lives.
Take this morning, for instance. I'm planning to make my mother-in-law's excellent peanut butter cookie recipe. Not too exciting, but it means hospitality, it means pleasure, it means having an excuse to stop and enjoy a cup of tea.T
here's more to it than peanut butter and sugar, more to it than messing up the kitchen with flour and dirty bowls.
Maybe it takes awareness (awareness awareness) to recognize the meaning in everything we do. Maybe that elevates our lives in subtle ways all the time. At the very least (and it's no little thing) we can be happy and by that affect others who are connected to us.
See what a tangent you got me on - it's very early on a Saturday morning, in my defense. ;-)
Latest blog post: Dear LFI: How Do I Deal With My Fear?
Oh @Lori this is one of those posts that make me wish that miles didn't separate us...I don't know if any of us ever really know what the meaning of our life is supposed to be. But, I think that THAT is part of the journey that IS life. If we "knew" what our life's meaning was supposed to be, what would be the incentive for us to continue to move forward in our journey? Our children and our family and our friends are all ingredients in that journey...they are not the "meaning". The lessons that we glean from each of the guests that grace our lives enrich and spice up our adventure and add to the meaning....but, in and of themselves, the ingredients are not the "meaning"... LFI is a major ingredient in the recipe of your life...and, it exemplifies the power of amplification...how LFI is more than just a cup of tea shared on a welcoming porch...LFI has become important to so many and it's messages have touched more than you may ever know. So...LFI does not define the "meaning--ness" of your life...it is one of the MANY ingredients in the recipe of your life's meaning. You are loved!
xoxoxo
Claudia
@SocialMediaDDS As for the first part of what you said Claudia, so interesting and different from what's been said yet. That not knowing is part of the meaning, what keeps us moving. When I think about myself, I know this to be true. What if we knew EVERYTHING :o
As for the second part of what you said, Really?! and Wow! and Thank you.
Latest blog post: Dear LFI: How Do I Deal With My Fear?
Lori,
You ask the best questions, the important ones, the ones without easy answers.
I find meaning in growth, in learning, in increasing understanding. I think about it less in terms of "improvement" and more in terms of "expansion" or "deepening."
In the past, I've wondered about the purpose of my own writing, an activity I've pursued consistently in various forms since I was seven years old. Over the years, I've had many answers to that question, but the one that sticks in my head most is "to learn myself."
But, it's not just about me. It's about "learning" the world around me. About "learning" human nature and animal nature and dream nature. It's about evolving out in different directions until - probably many lives from now - I can begin to comprehend what it would be to expand my horizons far enough that they encompass everything.
Whoa. Sorry about that. I'm back now. ;)
But, kidding aside, my purpose - my meaning - comes from exploring everything (experiences, connections, emotions, ideas, stories, and so forth) and growing because of those explorations.
Thanks for asking.
XO
@suddenlyjamie I'm very VERY lucky that people like you are around to help me ask these questions which rattle around in my brain Jamie!
I LOVE what gives your life meaning - exploring! How can you go wrong with that? Life can never be boring for you, new experiences offer more for your to explore and you aren't afraid of change because change offers you more to learn about. Wow!
I've loved writing since I was very young too. Can't we write for the love of putting words together in a way that makes sense and for nothing else? I wonder if everything we do has to give life meaning (washing dishes an obvious exception) or if there can be things we do just for the love of doing them. What do you think? Would you continue to write if no one read what you wrote?
Latest blog post: Dear LFI: How Do I Deal With My Fear?
@Lori Big :) to you.
"Can't we write for the love of putting words together in a way that makes sense and for nothing else?"
... yes, but doesn't "making sense" translate into "finding meaning?" ;)
I guess how we feel about "meaning" comes down to whether we find it hard work, or an enjoyable unfolding. Though there are plenty of things in my life that take lots of brain power (and sometimes heartache) to explore and understand, I love when the exploration is meandering and without any intended purpose. I love when the learning comes quietly and gently. It doesn't feel like striving. It feels like settling in.
Have you read Karen Maezen Miller? She wrote Zen Momma and also Hand Wash Cold. She might dispute your assumption that washing dishes does not give life meaning ;) , but you might enjoy the mental debate.
XO
@suddenlyjamie Well I hope writing can be what gives life meaning (I think it's part of my meaning-puzzle!) Ooooh! You used my words to argue with me! (Love THIS mental debate!) "Makes sense" ! :o
But what about when you write just to pour your heart out? What about when you write to see if you can create something beautiful?
I like what you say about "settling in" - as if you look back and say, "Hey! I learned something back there!" Nice! We never can really see ourselves clearly in the moment, can we?
I'll check out Miller's books! Meaning from washing dishes?!? This I've got to see!
Latest blog post: Dear LFI: How Do I Deal With My Fear?
That is a powerful book. As for what gives my life meaning, I think teaching does. Have I lost it before? Yes, several times. When I realized I was getting "stale" and coasting on what I already knew, I asked myself what excited me about teaching. Sometimes that meant re-visioning what I was already teaching to come at it in a fresh way. Other times that meant turning to something completely different, like when I retired from teaching law and turned my attention to teaching joy. And still other times, that meant asking what I want to learn. A Course in Miracles says that we all teach what we want to learn. So the teacher/student line is blurred. That is when the best teaching happens.
@galenpearl I have to say I haven't yet read the book but I believe it's time to do so.
Teaching gives your life meaning! I have a feeling you didn't have to think long and hard about this question to come to your answer Galen.
I have head that we teach what we need to learn. I never thought of flipping that thought to ask what you wanted to learn to know what to teach. I know that my calligraphy improved greatly when I started to teach it and had to learn HOW to teach it. I always thought that was interesting.
So you moved from teaching law to teaching joy. That's a radical change. Does A Course in Miracles still play a part in what you teach/learn?
@Lori Indeed. Although I draw wisdom from many sources for my 10 Steps program (which I teach in various settings), I return to the Course over and over. This year I'm leading an online study group on the Course. We are going through the workbook one lesson a day. Interestingly, I'm reading a book about a famous tai chi master right now (in connection to my martial arts practice). Much of what he teaches about tai chi is very consistent with the Course. The Bible, the Tao Te Ching, A Course in Miracles, and so many other teachings all help us move from fear to joy. And really, when you get right down to it, that is the only thing we are ever really teaching and learning in this life.
@galenpearl Your course sounds wonderful! I really need to revisit that book, perhaps using it as an oracle if not reading it cover to cover (which I'm not sure I did the first time).
Moving from fear to joy - how true! How did we get to fear in the first place?
People. Family. Friends.
@Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes That's. So. Cool. ;-)
Dear Lori,
You posed the ultimate existential question that so many people ask--and some are afraid to ask. For many years before I "woke up" (having a near-death experience helped!), I didn't know, and kept looking to achievements to give my life meaning. Of course, they didn't, as they couldn't.
Then, it took more years to peel away the onion to the core of what really gives my life meaning--now and will continue to be.
And that's Love. Love gives who I am and what I do meaning and purpose. By Love, I don't mean just love between people, but the Universal Energy of Love, the Essence of who we all are. By remembering that I exist for Love and as Love, my life has meaning regardless of what's going on, what tragedy befalls or what fleeting success is to be celebrated for the moment before the next quest.
I'm still learning every day how to be more conscious of my purpose to allow Love to be expressed through and as me. But, I will say this much: It warms my heart whenever I remind myself of my mantra that's based on Love being my purpose: Do it for Love.
Best,
Alice
@DrAliceChan HI Alice, You've had a near-death experience!? That explains the wisdom ooozing from your blog, at least in part! (By the way, you should add your URL to your Livefyre profile so others can see it - you can add it here: http://www.livefyre.com/profile/9889764/)
Love defines you and gives you purpose. That's so beautiful. I read your post on your mantra and it inspired Monday's post!
Welcome to Life, for instance Alice!
There's never the right time to do anything. There's only now and the moment we take action. It's hard though, to take action when we feel lost or uncertain. For me, the meaning comes from those things I can't not do, and the connections I have in my life. Everything else is extra, and while I appreciate it, I do my best to not become too attached to any of it!
Latest blog post: How to Set Your Dream on Fire
@Sandi Amorim Hi Sandi, "Connections" seems to be the common thread here. "Everything else is extra" - so true!
Hmmm....relationships and being able to help others; the little things that make you smile. Being thankful for what I do have and not dwelling on what I don't have. Being able to do things that make me happy while bringing happiness to others as well.
@bdorman264 Wow - You step out to go to a basketball game and come back to find some wise people have been by while you were gone!
Relationships/ connections, and being happy with what you have. You specify helping others too. Nice.
What a beautiful question Lori, and I just want to reflect back to you that I believe it's absolutely beautiful that your family, your writing, and MORE give your life meaning! So often we put such weight on the words "meaning" and "purpose" that we feel as if they could only be fulfilled with one thing, and one thing only.
But I believe that meaning is what we create, so we can choose to create meaning in anything that fills our hearts - and even allow it to change if and when needed.
So for NOW, here's what gives my life meaning:
My coaching practice - the opportunity I have every day to inspire others to wake up to who they really are and to begin listening to their voice of love over their voice of fear
My relationship - the growth that I experience through the good times - but most especially through the (perceived) bad times
My community - the love that I feel on a very visceral level when I deeply connect with those who support what I do, and whom I support fully in return
Thank you for giving us all here an opportunity to share!
@Sabrina at MyMiBoSo Hi Sabrina, I like the way you think! More than one meaning - at once - and why not? "meaning is what we create, so we can choose to create meaning in anything that fills our hearts - and even allow it to change if and when needed."
Yes!
And you live this with three major things which give your life meaning. I wonder how long you had to think about this before you knew your answer to the question. :-)
@Lori I was feeling quite "in the flow" today after an amazing coaching session when I commented - so quite honestly the answer came right through me :).
@Lori YES! So happy I could remind you of this empowering truth today!
@Sandi Amorim @Lori Great point as always, Sandi!
@Lori @Sabrina at MyMiBoSo We give meaning to everything in life, so why not what's important? ;)
Latest blog post: How to Set Your Dream on Fire
@Sabrina at MyMiBoSo There's nothing like being in the flow is there! I was thinking more about what you said, about how we choose what to give meaning to. There's such freedom in that. I can choose to give meaning, say, to a nice cup of coffee and allow that to bring me joy. We have so much more control of our lives and our happiness than we realize.
What had given my life meaning while I was growing up was music. I could not get enough of it. I was in the Church choir, I played the piano, the flute, and the guitar. I wanted the radio on in the car and at home. I even carried a transistor radio (that shows how old I am) with me almost everywhere I went.
Then at the age of 17, I had a stroke. It effected the entire right side of my body. This meant that I could not use my right hand for any of the instruments that I had played, and I was tone-deaf in the right ear which meant I could not sing.
I did find something else that has made me feel whole. I found Social Work/Sociology to be fascinating to me. I love helping others. It makes me feel so wonderful inside. And with this, my second passion, writing has been rekindled. Despite the disability, I am really quite happy.
@glynisj Wow Glynis, that's a tough turn in the road to adjust to. It's like you have had two lives! Huge kudos to you for moving past that and finding a second passion. I am in awe of your courage.
Hi Lori
Just like you, my life was turned topsy turvy on April 7th of last year. Since then I have had to revisit all my beliefs and faith and identity and purpose and most definitely the meaning of my own existence. How does one piece oneself together after such an earth shattering incident? So at this juncture in my life, the only way I can express what I believe has come to be the meaning of my life is reconstructive surgery as best as I know and can. And I am pretty sure you, of all the people, will know exactly what I am saying.
But all said and done I think I believe the meaning of life is always to live each moment the best way one can. Goals are like milestones along the way to mark out path, to pace our progress but really it all boils down to doing the best one can in any situation that we face at that moment.
Not sure if you've read this book called 'the peaceful warrior'. The last line in the book (I would highly recommend that you read it if you havent) goes
'The place is here, the time is now and I am this moment'
Enough said :)
Much love
-raji
@Raji Mohan You know how difficult it is to piece oneself back together. And you're right - it's the moments you work your way through- not the days. Reconstructive surgery, yes, as long as we know that's what we're about we can handle it.
I have read that book- many years ago! Dad Millman is great! I believe I have another of his books. This quote is a powerful one.
Much love to you Raji
Lori
Hi Lori...what gives my life meaning is 'prayer'. I say this after a lot of soul searching that I have done, after being lost for what feels like a long time. And then I turned to prayer with some sort of desperation. I have been praying ever since. Prayers from scriptures, said with a sense of discipline every single day...all this centers me in a way that nothing else has. It leaves me calmer, grounded and focussed for everything else that I want to give my efforts to, to make life worthwhile and meaningful. For me, the answer is undoubtedly prayer.
-Tara.
@Tara1529 HI Tara, and welcome to Life, for instance! I love what gives your life meaning. Prayer is a solid rock to hold on to when the eddies are swirling around you.
Also, prayer provides connection, right? Seems to be a theme in this conversation - we seek that connection.
You say you were lost for a long time. Desperation brought you to prayer which brought you all the way home. Beautiful!
Hi Lori,
Meaning of life for me to achieve what I am to do or to die trying ;) . Also I would like to a person who is known as the one who helps others achieve their goals. I had lost meaning in life some years back , yes, but I stayed on. And soon the tides turned and here I am back again :)
@blogaks I'd love to know how you rode out that turn of the tide Ashvini. Persistence, I think? Your meaning derives from meeting and conquering the challenge and from helping people. Challenge and connection seem to be a theme. And I'd venture a guess that if you do this, and maybe even as you strive to do this, you feel good?
@Lori
Hi Lori,
Yes and sheer mental strength that I guess I developed slowly in my college days. Also I have found that when you know what you are doing and are persistent with it, you get your way ( in a right manner ). Every challenge overcome gives me more knowledge and strength so yes it feels great :)
@blogaks "Sheer Mental strength" - yes, I can see that in you. Success breeds success, doesn't it. We know we can handle something because we've handled something similar in the past. The challenges seem to grow, though, don't they? Maybe that's what keeps us interested in life.
You love to tackle the toughest questions. Love it. I wonder ... what if we flipped the script?
Like I'm sure we all have, there have been times when I’ve been thoroughly lost in wondering what would give my life meaning. I look at those people who are actively engaged and accomplishing amazing things that blow your mind. And I wonder if the things they’re doing give life meaning for them. Yet, I see how so many of them are unhappy and just in a headlong pursuit.
It’s so tempting to wonder what gives life meaning. What if we looked at it from a different perspective? What if we, instead, sought to find ways to give meaning TO life?
Who are the happy ones? Are they the ones who have found meaning in what they do? Or, perhaps are they the ones who are infusing meaning into life … day to day, moment by moment, item by item, in whatever they do? And not just in THEIR lives but into the fabric of life itself.
So, I’ve come to the thought that perhaps we’re here to create meaning not get it or find it. It isn’t out there anywhere. We’re sculptors of meaning. We’re free to make it whatever we wish it to be.
Does it boil down to this? "It's better to give than to receive." Maybe! :-)
@Carmelo Yep - you flipped the script alright! You're saying, I believe, that we can derive meaning from life (though we shouldn't maybe think of the "deriving" part) by giving to others and thereby infusing meaning? I think that's at the heart and soul of life's meaning so now I take it back. I don't think you flipped the script at all!
What about the person who is going merrily along his or her way, doing what he or she loves? Doesn't that alone add the the sum total of happiness in the world - and isn't that giving? So maybe we need to find what makes us feel good, and give that. Giving makes us feel good. Even my knitting feels better when what i'm knitting is a gift - even if it is to myself!
I love this "We’re sculptors of meaning. We’re free to make it whatever we wish it to be. " But you didn't say what gives YOUR life meaning. Did you?
@Lori I did answer! That is, until you flipped it back. Ha! It’s true that we can see it from both sides. I guess my point was that often we get caught up in a constant search for things we already have. We seek love and forget we ARE love, etc.
Your knitting not only brings you peace and joy but it brings peace and joy to others whether you intended that or not. The fabric of life is enhanced and strengthened by those who are “going merrily along his or her way” as you said. And yes, that not only makes us feel good, it is giving!
So, feeling good – that’s the ticket? I think you nailed it! Okay, now I can answer another way. I find meaning in feeling good which, in turn, makes others feel good. Don’t you just love making others feel good? It’s pretty awesome. :-)
@Sandi Amorim @Lori I couldn't agree more Sandi. How could one judge his or her giving as more important or valuable than the person receiving? It just wouldn't make any sense. And would probably involve judgment and comparisons.
@Carmelo @Lori I beg to differ here...I don't think it's better to give than to receive. They're both equally necessary for a healthy balance in life. My 2 cents :)
Latest blog post: How to Set Your Dream on Fire
@Lori LOL, sorry to spin you around. I need a lesson in communication! :-) Yes, feeling good (through connecting) has to be right up there.
@Carmelo Now I'm getting dizzy with all this flipping around! Feeling good you say? Okay. I'll take it!
Well that question stopped me in my tracks on this grey and groggy morning. I have wondered about it for years..is it my work? is it to create? is it to be in love? The answer as I feel it at this time in my life is very simple - to express. It will always be a challenge for me. Or then maybe it is simply presenting yourself with a challenge that gives life meaning. If one day I can do it flawlessly and consistently then maybe I will find something else to give my life meaning. If I was not at work and could go on utube I would find out what that red pill is! It will have to wait until later..:(
@smargo Hi Sandra - ooooh! I love this - your meaning is to express! Maybe I was making a much bigger deal of this meaning thing than I had to! That heading encompasses a lot because you express in everything you do, right? Decorating, cooking, singing,working and other creations.
You look at what gives your life "meaning" as a challenge and plan to find another when you've mastered it? Interesting and uplifting way to think of it. I'll have to give it more thought.
The red pill/blue pill bit is from the movie The Matrix.
@Lori
I don't think I will ever perfect being able to express perfectly, so there is always the challenge to find a new way to do it. The reason to express is to connect, and the older I get I realize that is the most important thing in my life. So if I can continue to express myself in different ways I can connect to people and my environment in more effective ways with, I guess, the end result being to not feel alone. (I just came up with that one.)
@Lori
I think that is what just happened!
@smargo Did your meaning just evolve from "expressing" to "connecting"? I wonder if we looked beneath the meaning to the Why if we'd all go down the rabbit hole!