This is the fourth post in the Dear LFI series where we converge here on the porch to answer specific, personal, life-issue questions posed by anonymous contributors. Will you offer your thoughts on this issue?
My life is wonderful…I love my life….it is filled with a nice mixture of love and a sense of well being and contentment as well as challenges and obstacles that encourage my growth and awareness. The one thing that I just can’t seem to work around in my life is my fears.
I have some specific fears that are nameable and tangible and, therefore, perhaps solvable. Those are not the fears that stop me. It is me scaring myself that has me most perplexed and frustrated. And, when I peel back all of the different layers in my fear library, they all point to the “ultimate” fear for me….the fear of death.
It’s become almost irrational…when I get sick, I worry about dying. When I am a passenger in a car, I worry about an accident …I would rather be the driver. I don’t like to fly…. all because of my fear of death. And while none of these irrational feelings completely stop me in my day to day activities, they do create an uneasiness that makes it difficult for me to achieve that sense of inner peace and well being that I am always seeking.
I am not a religious person but rather I consider myself a spiritual person who believes that our spiritual journey and growth come from within…not without. So I try to seek comfort and peace in meditation, which is effective but not always practical in the moment. I want to move forward in life and to enjoy it to its fullest but I sometimes feel dragged down or pulled back by my irrational fear of death.
I don’t like talking about it to anyone except to my significant other because many times, the suggested “answers” have a religious connotation and that does not work for me.
When I am scaring myself, if I am able to, going outside into nature is probably my best “therapy”. I find comfort and positive “vibrations” in nature. I think the answer for me lies somewhere in nature but I have not found a consistent or long lasting way to eliminate my fears.
And, it feels as though, as I get older, this fear gets worse….I thought I was supposed to get wiser with age!
photo credit: gfpeck