“I wish there was a way
to know you’re in the good old days
before you’ve actually left them”
~Andy in the TV series The Office
I missed most of the TV Series The Office yet somehow happened upon the series finale in which the characters reunited for a wedding of two of the staff characters. Even though I had only a passing acquaintance with the characters, I could feel their nostalgia as they gathered for this event. I was particularly taken with what Andy said about the “good old days”.
I try so hard to be firmly in this moment; to actually see the good times as they occur. I don’t want to look back at a time that was perfect and realize I’d missed it. Not again.
I know now that I missed some of my “good old days” in the first two years after my mother died. It was a horrible time for me, the first loss of someone close to me. Looking back I realize that all throughout that dark time I had Alex with me! In retrospect it all looks so different.
As a family we have always celebrated each time we were together and each contact we had with the kids when they were away at university. I find it harder to celebrate now. A part of me will always grieve that the times ahead will be minus Alex in the physical. He won’t hold his nieces or nephews nor speak at his sister’s wedding. We won’t ever hold his children either. That particular chapter of our “good old days” is finished and it pains me to recognize I have to turn the page to see what the next chapter will be.
I know that practicing gratitude is the way to recognize the good times while you’re in them but knowing this and doing it are two completely different things. It wasn’t easy, much as I tried, to practice gratitude as we approached and lived through August 17th, the sad anniversary of Alex’s passing. So many of us are still here and yet all I could do was feel the pain of missing Alex.
Have you ever felt as if you missed some of your “good old days”? How do you remain aware of the “good old days” before you’ve actually left them?
Photo: the four of us – taken in 2006