It’s been seven months since Alex died and I imagine you’re tired of hearing those three words by now. To me, they are surreal. Still.

When it happened, I stepped away from LFI because I could hardly move let alone think, but after a time, I had to come back. I knew intuitively that returning to the porch would be part of my healing but I didn’t appreciate until now how integral a part of my healing it has been and still is.

People say I am doing so well, people here on this porch, but it’s you, the people of the porch who are the reason for that. It is you who are pulling me through this and helping me to find and hold onto the will to go on.

You understood even though most of you haven’t traversed the treacherous road in this particular part of hell. You validated and affirmed my shaky journey. You applauded my dubious courage. You continued to frequent the porch and sip tea with me even though I have continued to sing the same old song.

I could say I don’t know what I would have done without the wonderful people who frequent this porch but I do know. I would have felt much more alone. I might have gotten stuck – in bed – literally. But knowing I could come here and meet with you gave me a reason to get out of bed; something to look forward to in my day.

I know there is no way I can adequately thank you for what you have done and what you continue to do for me. I know you don’t do it for thanks, it’s part of what a community does, but for what it’s worth, and with love; thank you.

photo credit: T.Kiya