Perhaps one of the most surprising obstacles to community building is the concept and reality of “pairing”. Why should that be an obstacle, you may ask, aren’t we supposed to make connections, to get to know one another if we are to evolve into a real community?

The answer is yes. So why, then would pairing be such an obstacle to community building? To explore this, we need to look at one of the seven pillars of a community; inclusivity. If you are not an inclusive group you are an exclusive group and an exclusive group is a clique, not a community.

As if that is not challenging enough, there is another facet to inclusivity that is just as important.

Inclusivity not only applies to how the group relates to others, it applies to how the members of the group relate to one another. There can be no smaller groups within a community, groups that are exclusive to others within the group. When two or more people within a group cultivate closer bonds with one another to the exclusion of others in the group, it is called pairing.

And if there is one place on the planet where no one should ever feel excluded, it’s in a community.

Photo Credit: Lauren Rushing